What Is Real
by AMAPADME
Summary: AU: What is there for Padme to live for after loosing Anakin to the darkside?
1. Chapter 1

**Authors Note:** This is my first Star wars Fanfic. Thanks to Kd Skywalker for encouraging me and helping me to get this here. This story starts at the very end of Anakin and Obi Wan's fight in revenge of the Sith. This is an AU Padme does not die. Anakin does not loose his legs or get burned up all the way.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Star Wars. Although I love it.

Chapter 1

Anakin stood on the tiny platform fury causing him to breath raggedly. Obi Wan had lithely jumped from the platform onto the higher ground, and now he had the advantage of the higher ground. Then what really caused Anakin's anger to climb higher was that Obi Wan had to proclaim this fact to him.

"You can't win now, Anakin, I have the higher ground."

Anakin seethed and thought to himself_ " You know nothing my old master. You think you are so unattainable but I can and will bring you down."_

"You know nothing of my power if you think I can be so easily defeated. I am stronger than you ever dreamed."

In that instant, Anakin jumped gathering the Force to himself so he could propel himself higher than Obi Wan. But the Force cheated him and mid flip Obi Wan was able to use his light saber to dismember Anakin's left arm from his shoulder. Anakin fell not above Obi Wan as he had planned but below him landing on the hot sand along the lava river. His severed arm rolled into the river, popping as it hit only to disappear immediately in a small fireball. Anakin started to panic as the heat from the sand started to seep through his cloths.

"Obi Wan!" he called pathetically.

"NO Anakin! You were the chosen one! You were the one who was to bring balance to the force, not leave it in darkness! You were supposed to destroy the Sith, not join them! You were my brother! I loved you, but I can't save you. Goodbye!"

Obi Wan turned and ran for Padme's ship. He knew something was very wrong with her, but he also knew if Anakin was to be saved the one person who would do it was heading his way right now. Obi Wan never met him on the way and that made him very pleased. He knew if he was to be of any help to Padme and her baby he needed to get to her fast.

Anakin lie on the sand pushing with his feet and clawing with his hand trying to pull himself up to the higher ground, but the shock of loosing his arm was making it impossible to get very far. The lava river boiled and spouted a chunk of lava stone that landed on his back immediately igniting his cloths. He screamed in pain and hazily made out the form of an "old friend" coming to his aid before darkness took him.

Palpatine gasped as he saw the fire upon Anakin's back and raced over to him with 2 clone troopers. The troopers immediately put out the fire but Anakin was unconscious. They picked him up and moved him to higher ground while Palpatine Called for 2 more troopers to bring a stretcher.

"Rest easy, Vader. I will make everything better for you." Palpatine said to form lying there but no sound or movement came from him. Palpatine was worried but he knew Anakin was breathing and he felt his heart beating steadily. Palpatine knew he would be ok once his wounds were healed, and he was quite happy with himself for picking a young and viral apprentice.

The troopers finally came and they quickly took him aboard the ship. The med droid hooked him to oxygen and did all he could to ease his pain for now. The burns were bad but not unfixable with a few skin graphs and lots of bacta baths he would be back to normal.

Padme was not doing to well. She seemed to be breathing normally and all but she was not waking up. Obi Wan was worried for her sake and the sake of the baby. They still had a day to travel to get to the rendezvous point. He had alerted Bail to the fact that that he was coming with a medical need. He did not mention yet who it was or that she was pregnant. He was not sure if Bail knew of Padme's condition. He certainly knew Master Yoda had no idea. Right now all he could do watch over her and make sure they got safely to Polis Massa.

Padme slowly felt wakefulness coming to her. She did not want to open her eyes there was a light too bright for her eyes just yet. She wondered where she was at the moment. For that matter she wondered why she was somewhere that was this bright. Her bedroom was always kept in the dark or lower lights, and her room on her ship was warmer and a lot less intense also. She decided to use her other senses to determine where she was. She smelled cool crisp air and she heard the hum of an engine roaring at light speed across space. She opened her eyes expecting to see Captain Typho or Anakin at the controls. Who she saw really shocked her.

"Obi Wan!" she asked shocked to see him in her ship. "Why are you here?"

"Padme, I am so glad you are awake. How do you feel?"

"Weak, terribly weak," she replied letting her head fallback onto the pillow. "Why are you here?"

"Don't you remember anything?"

"I know I went to find Anakin." She searched her mind and it did not take long for everything to come flooding back to her. She looked at Obi Wan accusingly, "You stole on my ship. What did you do to Anakin?"

A dark look came over Obi Wan's face. "Nothing I wanted to do but something I had to do."

"Is he dead?"

"Not when I left him," he said flatly.

Padme lies back down as tears formed in her eyes. All she thought about was what happened between her and Anakin. Her heart felt heavy and she started to cry uncontrollably. Her already weakened condition, added by the heartbreaking sobs, caused her to fall into unconsciousness again.

Obi Wan watched the lines of stars stream past him begging the force to hurry them to Polis Massa.

Padme again woke as she was being carried to the med center room where the Med droid checked her over. After his initial check he left her to go talk to Obi Wan and Bail.

Padme looked around her room and she tried lifting her head to see where the doctor went. Her head felt like a lead brick so she just lies back down. She thought on Anakin and her heart felt like it was tearing in two. Why had she gotten pregnant? Why had she been so foolish to keep secrets from Anakin? In fact why had her heart betrayed her by allowing her to fall in love with Anakin anyway? She knew it was wrong. They had been married 3 years and she hardly had a chance to be a real wife. All that hiding and lying for the one thing she thought was real. _Real? Do I even know what is real anymore? My husband, the one who made my life better, has turned into a monster. Though I know he still has good in him. I know I saw it when I tried making that connection again, but even that connection is not enough to keep him loving me. What has happened to him? Such awful power I felt, and then he tried killing me. I can't blame him though. It looked like I betrayed him. But I loved him. I still love Him. I still want him. I Still live for him. I can't live without him. He doesn't me anymore! WHY!_

At that moment, Padme's belly was gripped in a horrendously strong contraction. She screamed at the suddenness and strength of it. The medical driod rushed back in along with Obi Wan. Padme held out her hand reaching for Obi Wan's, trying to draw strength from him. He grabbed her hand and sat with her as the doctor accessed her. The droid told Obi Wan he was going to take the children, because Padme would not live through a delivery.

"Children?" Obi Wan questioned.

"Yes, twins."

"Padme you are having twins. You must try to live for them."

_Why? When their father does not want them or me. _She cried out in pain as another contraction wracked her body. She lies panting afterward because she could not seem to catch her breath.

"Can't you do anything for her?"

"She is almost ready." the droid said as he gave her a local shot of anesthetic. "I need her as awake as possible or she will die before the twins are born."

Obi Wan nodded automatically keeping his eyes on Padme.

_You should not be here. Anakin should be here. I should not be feeling this way. This was supposed to be a happy time for us. We were going to see together if it was a girl or a boy? Anakin Why aren't you here!_

"If it is girl, Obi Wan please call her……." She groaned as the droid took the baby from her.

"It's a boy," the droid said a little too cheerily.

"Padme, it's a boy. Hold on please don't die."

Padme turned to look at the baby. "My boy." _Oh Anakin! _"Call him Luke."

_It's a boy Anakin do you care? Will you care?_ Another groan escaped her lips.

"It's a girl."

"Padme, now you have girl. Come on Padme, they need you. Can't you live for them?"

_I wish I had the desire Obi Wan. These were gifts to Anakin he can't have them and I can't live with that._

"Please, Call her Leia."

_Anakin I love you more than you will ever know._

"Obi Wan there is still good in him……. I…. know…it."

With that, Padme let the blackness take her.


	2. Chapter 2

Authors Note: Thank you all for reading my story. It is exciting to write and then when people actually like it I am even more excited. Thanks especially to KD Skywalker for being patient and helpful to me.

Disclaimer : I don't own Star Wars.

Chapter 2

What is real?

Pain is real for Anakin. Palpatine revels in his healing pain. He knows this will help bring Vader out stronger and make Anakin weaker. He awoke in a bacta tank and all reality swirled into a mixture of physical pain and mental pain. The physical pain brought to light his deepest darkest thoughts. Visions of Ventress charging at him both light sabers barely missing his head: Her hatred radiating toward him as she threw him across the jungle floor. Padme's sweet face contorted into pain and then death. Obi Wan charging at him in the control room on Mustafar, never in hatred only in determination; Then his satisfaction at rendering him limbless and leaving him to die on the sand. Screams of rage filled his mind. Count Dooku's face right before he cut off his head swirled amongst the face of his beloved mother's dead face along with many of the sand people he had murdered. Countless faces of Jedi younglings lying on the floor after he had killed them. All these tortured his mind while the burns on his body tortured him physically. Anakin suddenly blacked out again leaving the world of pain behind but its traces never truly leaving him.

Inside the darkness of his mind a new being appeared. He rose out of the darkness to stand unafraid, powerful and ruthless. He stood dressed in black and standing beside him was someone who had been a friend mentor and now Master. Anakin was nothing anymore only Vader existed now.

Oh! Anakin lived because a small part of him still loved. The part of his heart that Padme had held so carefully. Vader knew how to stamp part down and make it weak. There was no room in his weaker man to show himself too often. He did allow his thoughts to drift to Padme. Not often mind you, but he did think about her. Mostly when he was in a meditative state. He could think on her and yet get himself back to the Darker side before he finished.

This was now Vader's reality and he reveled in it.

* * *

What Else was real?

Padme was not dead.

She lies still as death on the hard cool table on Polis Massa. The medical Droids tested her and they declared her dead. She was sent to Naboo where she was taken to the morgue to be prepared for her funeral.

Obi Wan and Bail mourned for her but they could not attend the funeral. Bail took the baby girl to his home on Alderan; Obi Wan took the boy to Tatooine to live with his uncle and aunt. They never knew things had changed.

Change they did; because Padme woke up in the morgue. She opened her eyes to find herself surrounded by white. WHY? She twitched her fingers and realized it was a sheet. She ripped the sheet off her face feeling very scared. Then she looked around at where she was and she screamed. A dead body was on either side of her, and it was very dark. Only a small light on the far wall cast enough light for her to be able to see. No one was in the room and being there all alone made her very scared. She got off the table; her legs were very weak. She made her way slowly across the room and out the door. The hallway was empty. She leaned against the wall and slid down into a crouched position. She needed to rest and to get away. What should I do? I am nothing anymore. Everyone thinks I am dead else I would not be here. Being dead would not be such a bad thing. She just lay there not moving, and not caring.

* * *

Someone did care though. One very special very devoted friend. She had been there all her life. She was a best friend back in Legislative Youth Program. She had become her handmaid when Padme became queen; she had been chosen because she looked extraordinarily like Padme. Sabe.

She came to the morgue because she could not believe her friend; her queen was dead. She had to see for herself. She came alone for she could not face it with people standing there watching her. She had disguised herself as a doctor so she could get into the place with out question. She came down the hall and stopped to see someone slumped into a ball outside the door of the morgue. She stopped and gasped as she turned the person so she could see the face. "Padme!"

Padme opened her eyes and saw Sabe leaning over her and she grabbed her into a strangling hug. Tear ran streaming down her face. Heart wrenching life draining tears. Tears for her fear. Tears for her sorrow. Tears for her children (she had no idea where they were). Most importantly, the awful empty tears for Anakin. Her heart felt as if it was bleeding right through her chest.

Sabe just held her and listened as she talked about what happened. After all was told to her she knew what to do. "Padme, we need to get you off this planet. You need to go into hiding."

"Why? I have nothing to live for anymore. I should have remained in there and died."

"No there is still hope. Hope that you may one day find your children again."

"Why should I care? I am sure Obi Wan took good care of them. They don't need me."

"Listen to yourself Padme. You act like you have given up. I have known you all my life. You have never backed down from anything."

"I have no Anakin."

"So that makes it right to just give up on your children. They were not just Anakin's they were yours."

"They were mine weren't they? I don't know, Sabe. I am not ready to hunt right now. Anakin would surely try to find me if he knew I was alive."

"You leave that to me. I am going to find you transport off this planet and to somewhere he would not think to look. Here lets first get you out of this hallway."

Sabe picked up Padme and took her to an empty room just short way down the hall. Padme lay on the bed and soon fell asleep. Sabe went to work. She checked all immediate flights off the planet. There was only one transport going to a place decent enough to send Padme. The transport was going to Roon. They had good medical facilities, and it was in the outer rim so it would not be place Palpatine or Anakin would look right away. She registered her under the name Ami and she was a refugee. No one would recognize her in her state of depleted physical health. So she would disappear without a trace. Sabe decided that she would then take her place in the morgue. She looked so much like Padme she was sure the droid wouldn't know the difference. She only hoped she could fool the others When everything was taken care of she went back to the hospital to get Padme.

Padme felt stronger after her rest so she went to the docking bay holding Sabe's hand. She did not want to draw any attention to herself at all. She dressed as a plain person with a cloak covering most of her face. By the time she reached the docking bay she was quite weak and the cloak hid most of her face so she did not see too well where she was going; she failed to hear Sabe's word of warning and she bumped into an equally cloaked figure.

* * *

Palpatine had left his new apprentice in the capable hands of the droid doctors. He had heard through a source that Padme Amidala had been brought to Naboo for her funeral. He decided to go to the funeral. After all he was her "friend". Really he wanted to make sure it was her. He took his private transport and landed in the docking bay at night. This way he could be undetected. He did not want the people to know he was there, Just Yet!

He had plans for after the funeral though. He pulled the hood over his head and walked quickly through the crowd. He dodged, as many people as he could but suddenly it seemed out of nowhere two ladies seemed to be right in front of him. He ran into the one causing her cloak to fall away from her face.

"Padme" he said oily, "how nice to see you." He smiled wickedly down at the bleached white face.

Padme was shocked into another blackout and fell to the floor. Sabe tried to scream for help but was silenced by a knife expertly stabbed into her heart. Palpatine quickly called a servant over to take Padme to his ship. As for Sabe she had her own purpose to serve, he took her to the mortuary and placed her on the table that had held Padme. Palpatine planned on having the funeral recorded so he could show his apprentice that his wife was really dead.

In truth, Palpatine was going to keep her alive. His hatred for her caused him to decide to make her fate far worse than death. He had a few things he had been dying to tell her since her days as queen. He wanted to watch her suffer and suffer badly.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: **I don't own SW. Thanks to all you who read.

Chapter 3

Vader stood on the deck of the _Executor_ scanning the blackness of  
space. He used to find joy looking into the vastness of space, but  
now it is just space. Another planet to bring into the Empire,  
another star shining out there - nothing was special anymore. He  
had once dreamed of "giving" all this to his son or daughter. Such  
dreams are gone now. Padme had once given him all the hope and joy  
he had ever needed. She was gone now too. When the Emperor had  
shown him the holo of her funeral, everything had died. Nothing is  
important now. Now he was Vader; a force to be reckoned with and a  
power beyond anything he had ever dreamed. Everyone feared him,  
and not so much for what he could do but for the way he looked.  
His arms were no longer flesh and blood they were steel and wires.  
They were hard enough and powerful enough to knock you senseless  
with one swift blow. His eyes held a cold steel stare on you.  
There was no ounce of care in them anymore. Why should there be?  
Everything he had worked for was gone. Now all that was left was  
cold hard and unforgiving power. Power kept him from caring.  
Caring was an emotion wasted on all. Caring only brought heartache  
in the end.

He wielded his power like he wielded his light saber. You knew if  
it came down on you. No one was ever spared. You went to bed very  
happy if you never crossed paths with Vader. You breathed a sigh  
of relief if you left his presence unharmed. Whole planets would  
sign whatever treaty was required of them just to avoid contact  
with Vader. Those who were stupid enough not to be afraid of him  
were soon taught to have respect for the man in the black cape.  
Many never lived through their lessons, but a few were spared so  
they could become his henchmen.

Vader watched the star systems from his window now thinking about  
how much he loved being in charge of all these systems. Nothing in  
his life had ever come as easily as this power had come to him. If  
only he had found this power earlier, his life would have so much  
better. He had been powerless as a slave on Tatooine. Then he had  
small amounts of power as a Jedi; but he was always forced to hold  
back the power. Palpatine had encouraged the power to come out and  
now it possessed him so perfectly. He was the most powerful being  
in the universe. He was satisfied now in life.

Can't You? You are the one who killed her.

No I only killed you. Get out of my mind.

_But you are empty. _

_I am not I am full of power. _

_This power is nothing compared to what you had with Padme. _

_She is gone. I can't help that._

_I am not so easily killed as you think._

_AUG! Why must you torment me? I loved her. She is gone now! What  
more do you want from me! This gives me meaning and  
satisfaction. She can never be there for me again. Go away!_

Vader stalked off the bridge and went to the prison cells. He  
picked one man who had dared to defy the orders of his captain and  
he decided to kill him, only not right away. He needed to make the  
voice go away. The screams could be heard through out the  
cellblock.

_There you see I am who I am and I like it, so don't come back out_.

* * *

Palpatine was really pleased at how the proof of Padme's death had  
brought out the darker, more violent Vader. Vader had not  
disappointed him. He was the best apprentice he ever had up this  
point. He allowed the powers of the dark side to rule him, add to  
that his young body and he was the storm that Palpatine had wanted  
in his other apprentices. Vader was not one who was diplomatic  
like Dooku. He was smarter than Maul had ever been. Palpatine was  
proud to have the man at his side. Palpatine was even more proud  
though of the prize he hid from Vader.

* * *

Padme sat in her cell, allowing tears to slide down her cheek  
unbidden. It seemed she did nothing but cry. Sometimes she cried  
from pain, sometimes because she was locked away. But mostly she  
cried because she lost the love of her life. Everything had been  
stripped from her. Her power had easily been stripped when she had  
"died", but that hardly bothered her. When she had woken up, she  
had no children. She remembered vaguely giving birth to a boy and  
girl, but they were nowhere to be found when she woke up. She  
guessed because she had woken up in the morgue that the children  
were sent somewhere to live. She could only hope it is somewhere  
kind. She longed for them but knew that would never happen. The  
hardest and most heartbreaking though was losing her husband. He  
had been her heartbeat for three years. Her love. Her life, her  
breath, even her completeness. Now she was half a person. She even  
wondered if you could call it half a person. She really felt like  
pieces scattered in the wind. Palpatine was determined to destroy  
every single piece that was left of her. 

He first destroyed her trust in him when she had woken up. She had  
opened her eyes to a very harsh bright and unforgiving light  
shining straight in her eyes. She could not see anything. She  
tested the movement of her hand to find they were tied to the  
table. She remembered nothing at that moment of what had happened  
to her in the hanger on Naboo. The bright light and the fact that  
she could not move her hands scared her so she had called out,  
"Anakin! Anybody! Can you help me!"

A harsh yet very familiar voice answered, "My dear Senator what is  
troubling you?"

"Chancellor, where are you?"

"Over here my dear. Now why are you hollering so loudly?"

"Chancellor why am I tied here? Where am I?"

"You are in my private med center. I had your hands tied down. You  
were out cold for two days. I could not risk you hurting yourself.  
Please call me Emperor. I am no longer the Chancellor."

_No longer the chancellor? Emperor? Why and when did this happen?_  
She puzzled.

"I can see you don't remember allow me to refresh your memory," he  
said as he played a holo of the last day of the Republic and the  
first day of the Empire. All things came back to her in an  
instant. Panic seized her and she tried scrambling away from the  
figure that seemed way too close. She saw his leering face and saw  
the evil cold eyes that smiled so eerily at her. Palpatine licked  
his lips and she could not tell if it was to actually provide them  
with moisture or to emphasize the fact that he was very happy with  
her in this position. She shuttered visibly and Palpatine laughed.

"Yes, my dear, you are in a very precarious situation here, but  
what makes it worse for you is that no one knows you are here.  
Your beloved believes you are dead. In fact the whole galaxy  
thinks you are dead." With that, he showed her another holo of her  
funeral.

"W-what do you want with me?" She stuttered. _Obviously nothing good  
to go to this length to see to that everyone thinks I am dead._

Palpatine enjoyed hearing the fear in her voice. For the first time  
in her life she was afraid he had waited so long to see her like  
this. All he had gotten from her during the blockade was a hidden  
strength he did not know existed. She had defied him to the very  
last and ended up getting her throne back. Oh that had stung but  
not as bad seeing her in the Senate every day, defying any ruling  
that would have given him what he wanted. He had tried getting rid  
of her again when she stood in his way of making a clone Army. He  
thought using Nute Gunray to set a bounty on her head would  
finally get rid of her, but NO she had survived. He had burned  
inside when he saw her pod floating onto the Senate floor that  
afternoon. He had played her ever-present friend and he hated it.  
He protected her when he had wanted her destroyed although the  
fact that she lived had helped him achieve his new apprentice and  
for that he supposed he should thank her, but he wouldn't. She had  
continued being a thorn in his side opposing the new powers he had  
"needed", and then her audacity at bringing the proposal about him  
relinquishing his powers. She thought she was so clever but she  
would find out now he was way more powerful than she had ever  
imagined. Just for a short demonstration, he sent a bolt of  
lightning coursing through her body. She screamed and he just  
laughed.

"You see my dear girl, I have you at my mercy. You have been a  
thorn in my side for 13 years now you will pay."

"I thought you were my friend!" She whispered in agony.

"Friend ! Hahahah my dear who do you think brought on all your  
trouble. I was never your friend." he spat those words out like  
they were poison. His voice took on that silkily sweet sound  
again, "But I played the part well don't you think? I got what I  
wanted in the end."

"So now tell me, Padme, where are your children? No lying either."

"I don't know," she said.

Lightning coursed through her body. " I said no lying!" he shouted

"I really don't know!" she screamed through her pain.

The lightning stopped for a second and she gasped out, "I gave  
birth to them and then passed out."

Lightning slammed into her again causing her to stiffen and scream  
in pain. "I am telling the truth!"

Palpatine stopped and thought for a moment about this. Maybe she  
was telling the truth. Well for now he would stop because he did  
not want her dead. He had better plans than that for her. So he  
leaned in close and said, "Know this Padme, I will keep you for my  
own use. You will hate your life and you will even beg for death  
before we are through but you won't get it. I won't let you die.  
You are my pet now understand."

She did not move and so he yelled, "Understand!"

She nodded her head but would not look at him. He left her in the  
care of the med droids. They nursed her back to health and she was  
sent to a cell. This is where she had stayed so far. She had  
neither seen nor heard from Palpatine for a whole month. She had  
no human contact since then either. Her food was shoved in her  
cell once a day. The silence and her thoughts were killing her.


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: this chapter is Dark. This is the chapter where Padme is tortured and she attempts suicide.So if you can't handlesuch things please don't read it. You are officially warned.  
As AlwaysI don't own SW. I just love it.

Chapter 4

Time went by and Padme was begging for someone to come. Anyone! She  
had no contact with anyone for a month - no bath, nothing, but the  
grating sound of a tray being shoved into her cell once a day. She  
thought her mind would explode with the silence. Suddenly one day  
she heard her door being unlocked. She was so happy to find it was  
not Palpatine. She started to talk to the guard who came in but he  
just stared at her. He roughly pushed a hard towel into her hand  
and gruffly said, "Let's go."

"Where are we going?"

But only silence and stony face met her question. She looked at him  
and saw there was no soft compassion anywhere in this guard, she  
shut her mouth and followed. She was pleasantly surprised at where  
he had taken her. It was a shower room. "You have 5 minutes to get  
clean and you better do a good job. The master would not want you  
to stink when he sees you."

"The emperor is coming today?" she asked shakily. The guard just  
laughed and walked away.

She was alone again and so she started to peel her cloths off of  
her. She would be so glad to feel clean again. She stepped into the  
running water when she heard a noise from the room where she had  
left her cloths. She looked around the corner and suddenly four big  
burly men surrounded her. There was nowhere to go and the men  
backed her into a corner. She screamed but they just laughed a  
menacing scary laugh. Padme knew no one would help her.

She sat on the shower room floor bleeding and bruised. She washed  
as best she could and then went to the now empty room to find she  
had no cloths on the bench where they had been left. She sat there  
in stunned silence and did not move even when the guard came into  
the room. He shoved a new gown at her to cover herself and he led  
her back to her cell. She sat there not moving or thinking until  
she again heard the click of her cell being opened and in walked  
Palpatine.

He looked at her and laughed. He knew what had happened to her and  
he knew also that another piece of her had been broken. He grabbed  
her by the arm and took her to another room. There he laid her on a  
table and gave her an injection. This was to make her stay awake,  
no matter what happened to her. He wanted her to know who was in  
charge. Then he took her to another table that was warm when she  
laid on it and he slowly turned up the heat. The pain was enhanced  
by the fact that she was unable to pass out. Her brain was in sheer  
panic before he stopped. She pleading, begging, screaming for him  
to stop before turned off the machine. She could not move and so  
she was carried to her cell where she waited with no food or water  
for 2 days. After those 2 days the medicine wore off and she was  
given water and some bread. She fell into a deep sleep.

She woke up after a days and she looked at herself in the mirror.  
She was gaunt and her eyes had dark circles under them. She was  
sorer from the rape than from the table. In fact it seemed to her  
that the table left her with no lasting marks. She whipped around  
when she heard the door to her cell clicking again. Palpatine again  
came in this time with a tray of food. Meat and cheese was on this  
tray but she did not want to eat it. She figured it was poisoned.

"Eat. You have no choice you must do what I say." Palpatine said  
forcefully. He did take a bite of the food to show her though that  
it was ok. She ate the food for she could not help herself. She was  
satisfied after ward, but she was soon sorry she had eaten  
anything. Palpatine took her again to the room and the same thing  
happened to her again.

Days went by like this.

One day running into the next until all time was separated into  
extreme pain, rapes, and then nothingness. Two years passed but  
Padme did not know this. Sleep deprived her of saneness and torture  
weakened her body into nothing but a shell.

One day Padme came across a sharp piece of glass on the floor of  
the room. It had been used on another prisoner and got left behind.  
It was small and she slipped it between her toes and held it there  
until she got back to her cell. She collapsed on her bed and lay  
there not moving. She lay there staring at the ceiling thinking  
about her life. She wanted to go back to the time when her Ani was  
a man and not a monster. He had loved her with all his heart. She  
knew that and she had eagerly returned that love back to him. She  
wanted to feel those lips on hers again, but that was not going to  
happen. She knew he did not even know she was alive. She knew he  
was alive though. Palpatine made sure she knew everything he had  
done since becoming Vader. Well she knew he was never coming back  
and she knew there was no hope for anyone finding her so she  
decided to end it all. She took the piece of glass from her toes  
and sliced her wrists. She watched as the blooded pooled around her  
on the bed and then drip down on the floor. She started to feel  
woozy and her head lulled back against the wall.

Palpatine came rushing in because alarms started to sound alerting  
him that Padme was about to die. She did not know that he had  
implanted a device in her the first night he had brought her to the  
prison. The device would alert him, or the medical staff if he was  
not there, that she was about to die. He picked her up and took her  
to the med center where she was to recover. She knew she had not  
died because the injection he had given her for her torture kept  
her awake. She felt every stitch and knew all the things that were  
done to save her. She hated him all the more for making her live.  
He had no plans of letting her die so easily. He wanted to be the  
one to kill her if he eventually wanted her dead.

She woke in the med center and she groaned as she looked and saw  
him standing there. "Why can't you just let me die? Haven't you  
done enough to me?"

"Perhaps, but only I say when you die. You were a very naughty girl  
to try to take that from me."

"Take from you! What have you taken from me? EVERYTHING!" She  
shouted at him and then she whispered, "Most of all my Anakin."

"Still love him do you? Well you know I am not the one who took him  
from you. He did that of his own will. I am just the one who gets  
to reap the benefit of that."

She sighed at that because she knew he was right. Her love had not  
been enough for Anakin. He wanted more all the time.

"You gave him promises that you never kept." she spat out at  
Palpatine. "He will never be who he wanted to be because you will  
never allow him that power."

"Yes and yet he still faithfully follows me. How do you explain  
that?"

She had no answer for that so she kept her mouth shut.

"You though I can turn into nothingness and you will never serve  
me, will you? I could change everything for you. All I need from  
you is a yes."

"I would do anything to get away from you," she replied.

"What if I could promise you the one thing you dearly want? Your  
husband."

Padme was silent. She really wanted Anakin back. So badly in fact  
that she could taste his kiss on her lips when she licked them.

"What would I have to do?"

"Pledge your loyalty to me."

She thought about it for a second and then she said she would do  
it. Palpatine untied her from the table and she kneeled in front of  
him, "I pledge to serve you Emperor Palpatine."

A sinister cackle was heard from him and suddenly a bolt of  
lightening shocked Padme. She screamed in agony as she was forced  
all the way to the floor. Before she passed out she heard him say,  
"I got everything I ever wanted from you Padme. Now you are useless  
to me."

Padme's world went black.


	5. Chapter 5

AU: Well here is the next chapter and again I thank all of you who read my story. I am going on vacation for 2 weeks and so this may be the last chapter until I get back. While I would love it if Life revolved around my writing unfortuately my writing must revolve around my life and this week will be very busy. I hope this satisfies you for a little while. Love you guys.

Chapter 5

Vader was in a very good mood. He had just returned from a particularly successful mission. He loved it when the planet conceded to his power before he had to destroy the whole thing. If he had to wreak havoc it always caused more problems because it ended up being years before the planet became useful to them again. Fortunately it had only happened to a few of the planets. They were still trying to rebuild and he had to squelch any further uprisings so he had to travel to those planets often.

Today he was meeting with his master and they were going to survey the work being done on the Death Star. First he had to deliver some prisoners to the cellblock. Usually he let this up to the storm troopers but not this time. This time he had a force strong prisoner. He knew the Girl's skills were not honed well but she could easily trick a storm trooper with her feeble skills. His master was quite interested in this prisoner so nothing could go wrong.

He had delivered her to her cell and he was walking through the halls of the Cellblock area when 2 troopers came carrying a body on a stretcher. Brown curly hair had fallen from the top of the stretcher, hair so much like Padme's. Suddenly a flood of pictures swept through his mind. Pictures of Padme standing in Watto's junk shop looking so innocent, the way she looked after their first kiss, the softness of her eyes when she told him for the first time that she loved him, And then the worse one was the face of horror she had given him when she had realized that he had killed all the Jedi. That face was one he could have erased forever, if he had been skilled at erasing things from his mind.

"My lord, Are you alright?"

The troopers voice brought him back to the present. Vader put on his stern face again and in a commanding voice asked the trooper who was under the sheet.

"I do not know, my lord, I was just told by the dr. to take the body to the crematory."

"Well remove the sheet. I wish to see who has died."

The trooper turned and removed the sheet. Vader Felt a wave of shock start from his head and travel all the way down his body. He staggered slightly but regained his composure quickly. He had been Vader for 2 and a half years and he had seen many horrendous things. (Mostly things he had caused) But this was something no amount of training had prepared him for; because on that stretcher was Padme.

He had to get a hold of himself because he needed to meet the emperor soon and he could not be in this state at their meeting. It was definitely wrong to have his troopers see his heart worn out there on his sleeve. He reached into the force and drew a steadying calmness as he breathed in and then back out. His eyes softly looked at his beloved again and then he faced the trooper and waved his hand in front of his face as he said, "You did not see my reaction just now."

"I did not see your reaction just now."

"You will take the body to my chambers."

"I will take the body to your chambers."

"You will tell no one where the body was taken."

"I will tell no one where the body was taken."

"Good work trooper. Go about your work."

The trooper left Vader and headed toward his chamber.

Vader slipped into an empty room and sat down. How could this be? He had seen holovid of Padme's Funeral. Well he knew what to do about that, he was going to review the vid and then see what was true. He took a deep breath and gathered the force around him and he cleared his mind of all thoughts of Padme. He only wanted to think about meeting the emperor and getting through that meeting in one piece. Vader did not want Palpatine to know that he had found Padme. He was not sure but somehow he knew Palpatine had been behind whatever had happened to Padme.

He walked out of the room as vicious Vader again, and greeted Palpatine as always. The meeting went well and Palpatine was pleased with the progress made on the Death Star. Palpatine never indicated that he knew about Vader finding Padme. Vader hoped it was because he had done and excellent job of hiding his emotions. He bid farewell to the Emperor because Palpatine was needed on Courscant.

As soon as the emperor was gone, Vader rushed to his quarters. The troopers had put Padme on his bed. He sat beside her and picked up her hand. He was shocked to find it warm. He slid his hand down to her wrist and felt her light pulse. He had wanted the chance to say goodbye to her but things were different all of the sudden. Now what should he do? Well one thing for sure he did not have to take her to the crematory.

Well he needed to check on something right now. So he went out to the living part of his quarters and sat at the computer. He brought up the file of Padme's funeral and when it came to the part where it showed her face he zoomed in and had it freeze framed. He stared at the picture never understanding why he had not seen that it was Sabe and not Padme before. How could he be fooled into not even recognizing his own wife? He would get answers now. Padme would surely tell him what happened to her once she woke up. He thought about her lying in his bed and he had to go and make sure it was not a dream. So he went to the bedroom and stood staring at her for a while.

He could not believe this. He was staring at the most beautiful person he had ever seen. She was gaunt and sallow but it was still her and he knew he would never let her go now. She had always been loving and understanding of him and he hoped she would be the same now. Well she just had to be he said to himself. He felt the urge to sit beside her and touch her; so he did. As he sat there something happened that had not happened for 2 and a half years; he started to cry. _Great I am Vader the most fear man in the galaxy and I_ _am crying like a baby right now. _He lay down beside her and that seemed to bring a peace just as it used to for him. He fell asleep with her in his arms.


	6. Chapter 6

AN: Thanks to all who read this story. Sorry the update has been so long in coming. Vacation was wonderful but recovering afterwards is hard. ThenI got sick. So I hopeyou really like this chapter.

DESTINII: you can make the prisoner out to be whoever you want. I just used a force strong one because that would be the only reason Vader would have to be in the prison cells.

Also a quick thanks to KD Skywalker for putting up with all my questions for this chapter. Love you.

Chapter 6

Vader woke the next morning and was happy to find Padme by his side. _It wasn't a dream. _As he sat there looking at her he knew she needed medical attention, but what should he do? _If I take her back to the med center Palpatine will surely find out. So where can I take her that will be safe. BAST CASTLE!_

Vader went to see Captain Anil. He found him on the bridge giving orders to go to Coruscant. They were scheduled to go there for repairs and rest. Vader shouted, "Belay that order Officer."

All officers on the bridge stood erect and saluted as Vader past. He ignored them and went straight to the Captain.

"Sir, I am sorry for not noticing you on the bridge," he stated rather clipped and stately.

Vader waved the apology aside. "I need to get to Vjun. Immediately!"

Captain Anil did not hesitate getting the order out. Vader left the bridge. He knew they were not far from Vjun so it would only take a few hours at light speed to get there. He went back to his room and waited beside Padme.

Four hours later a knock at Vader quarters brought him out. It was Captain Anil. Anil looked up into Vader's face and reported that they were about to come out of hyperspace. Vader replied, "Good. I will be gone for about a week and I expect things to run smoothly while I am away. Let me know if anything happens that I will be needed for."

"Very good sir."

"You are dismissed, captain."

Anil left and Vader went back to Padme and whispered "Soon, my love, you be at home."

Vader got Padme to his shuttle and dismissed his personal pilot. This was one time he really wanted no one around. He arrived at Bast Castle and he went right to his room. He commed for a Dr. The Dr came and almost turned and left when Vader answered the door. Vader held him in a force grip and said very menacingly, "Dr I would not walk away if I were you."

The Dr coughed as the grip left him and he followed Vader up to his room. He worked on Padme always informing Vader what he was doing as he checked her over. He found her to be basically intact. No internal bleeding or swelling anywhere. He treated her superficial wounds and told Vader how to care for her until she woke up. He taught him how to change the Iv Bags and which one had Medicine in them for building up her strength. He was packing up his things and going to the door when Vader talked to him again he looked at Vader as His hand waved in front of his face as Vader said, "You will remember none of this visit."

"I will remember none of this visit."

He walked out and when he reached his speeder Vader let go of his control on his brain and the Dr sped out of castle's driveway like a demon was on his tail.

Vader went up to lie beside Padme and decided to see if he could help her through the force. He reached out for her and was shocked by what he saw. Dreams were floating in her head about what had happened to her while in prison. The whole time he was searching her brain he saw darkness around her. He could find nothing of who she had been. _Interestingly I am nothing like I used to be either._ He did see one small ray of light and inside that light was a small, very small, ray of hope that one day Anakin would return to help her. Anakin was not around but Vader would help her.

_Anankin where are you? Why won't you come home to me? You promised me that no one would ever take you from me. Can't you hear me calling for you? ANAKIN! No! Not you please leave me alone. I just want to be left alone. A cruel cackle filled her ears, "But My dear you will never be alone." The door to her cell opened and 3 men walked in she cowered into a corner but they still came at her and she felt hands groping all over her as she screamed, "Anakin!"_

Padme sat up and found herself not in a prison cell but in a lush bedroom. She looked around very confused. _Where m I?_ She thought as she took in her surroundings. The bed was a large soft bed with red sheets and black comforter. There was a black Chest in corner and on the left wall were doors that seemed to go out to a Balcony. One of the doors was slightly opened and she saw slight movement around it. Panic started to rise in her throat and she screamed, "Don't come near me!" She curled up into a ball trying to make herself invisible. She started to cry, but she felt two hands on her arms and her tears were falling on the chest of her captor. She had not felt this safe in someone's arm for a long time. All other hands and arms had been very cruel. She looked up at her captors face and gasped. The face was one she had not seen in such a long time. His long blonde curls still framed his face perfectly but his face was harder and his eyes held a darkness one could not describe. Yet when he looked at her she knew, "Anakin?" She asked hesitantly.

"I no longer know that person. I am Vader."

Padme threw her arms around Vader again. She wanted to touch him again to make sure he was real. Vader's arms wrapped around her and she felt the cold steel through her nightgown. She backed up and looked at Vader. Both arms were mechanical she put her hand on his chest and that was warm. "What happened to your arm?"

"Obi Wan" That was all he would say.

"Vader, are you going to turn me over to Palpatine?"

"Never!" he spat out with such vehemence that Padme was taken back for a second. "You will never that man again."

"So you did save me. You did hear me calling for you."

"Yes I will never let you go again."

Padme reached out and touched Vader's cheek pulling his face closer to hers. She touched her lips to his for a soft kiss and started to pull away, but he pulled her back to him and made it a deeper more urgent kiss. Tears started coursing down her cheeks as she felt the passion flow from him. He stopped kissing her and asked her what was wrong.

"Nothing everything is perfect right now. I hoped this would happen one day but that hope was beginning to die. I started to believe what Palpatine said was true and you would never find me."

Fire blazed in Vader's eyes as he held her tightly in his arms again. Palpatine would pay for his treachery towards him, but right now he needed to concentrate on Padme.

"I am here now and I will always be here for you."

She settled into his arms and suddenly felt very tired.

"Vader I am tired. Will you stay with me as I sleep?"

"I have never left your side since I have brought you here."

"How long has that been?"

"Three days."

She snuggled down under the covers and Vader crawled in right beside her. He pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her. She had thought for a brief second that it would be odd that both arms were mechanical but she found them comforting in a way no flesh arm had felt in years. She closed her eyes breathing in his sent and drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

Vader just watched her breathe in and out. Someday he would make Palpatine pay. Someday, someway. But for now he just lay there thanking the force that he was in that jail hallway at the right time.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Padme woke to find her bed empty. In the four days since she woke to find that Vader had rescued her from Palpatine, he had never left her side. He stayed with her while she slept and if he had to leave the room, he did it while she was awake. She was still so very weak and so she did not get up very often and hardly ever without help, but now she felt the need to go and explore to find out why Vader was not around.

She tested her legs to see if they were strong enough to hold her without anyone beside her. She stood and she felt a little wobbly, but she reached for her silk robe that Vader had given to her. She was surprised at how quickly something like that had showed up at the castle but then she remembered that Vader could get anything he wanted as quickly as he wanted. _Sometimes that sort of thing can come in handy _she thought. She slowly made her way to the door and left the only room she had seen in this place that Vader taken her.

She looked to the left and discovered that the hallway ended in just twenty feet. So she went to the right and slowly, ever so slowly, she made her way down to the next door. She opened that door and found another bedroom. This one was smaller than the one she was staying though only by about two feet. This one was decorated in rich purples and blues. She admired this room but since the object of her search was not in there she soon left it. She turned to the next room and this one was a hunter green color scheme, but again she hardly stay long enough to really admire it. The stairs were next veering off to her right but the hall kept going so she went down the hall instead of going down the stairs. The hall was shorter and at the end was a door. She opened this door and she stepped into an exercise room. Weights and weight machines were on one side of the room while a treadmill, bike, skier and other varieties of equipment filled the other. She saw a door to a sauna on her right and she went to see if Vader was in there. She called for him but there was no answer so she left the room.

She returned to the hall and this time she took the stairs down to the first level. Half way down she started to feel dizzy, so she closed her eyes as both hands clutched the rail for support. She did not want to fall down the stairs. Jennifer, the girl Vader hired to be Padme's personal assistant, came from one of the rooms and dropped her pile of papers when she saw Padme on the stairs. She raced up the stairs and placed a supporting arm around Padme.

"Oh my Lady, you should not be up. You are not well enough to be up and about."

Padme looked at Jennifer and did not recognize her at first. "Who are you?" she asked in a confused tone.

"Jennifer, my lady, I am your personal assistant. I brought lunch to you and Master Vader yesterday, remember?"

"Oh yes, Jennifer, Now could you help me down the stairs?"

"No my lady, Lord Vader would kill me if he found that you were out of your room. You need your rest."

"I am tired of rest right now and I am searching for Vader right now. So you help me down these stairs and then you may leave. If you do this I won't tell Vader a thing about our meeting."

"Yes my lady."

Jennifer helped Padme down the stairs and made sure she did not need her before she left. She did not agree with leaving Padme alone, but she also did not want to die for arguing with her mistress. So she walked away and left Padme on her own.

Padme walked through the whole house and did not find Vader she was getting tired of looking. She needed to rest for a moment before going back up the stairs and so she leaned up against a wall in the foyer trying to gather her strength. She closed her eyes and thought. _Where could he be? _This thought caused her to laughed at herself. _Boy Padme you have come a long way from being the dependant queen, who needed no one, to this raving lunatic who can't be gone from Vader for more than 10 minutes without running all over the house searching for him._

She put her hand against the wall so she could push herself off the wall and back to bed. She really was too tired for more searching. Just as she pushed off the wall she triggered some sort of switch and a door open in the wall revealing a hidden room. She could not pass this up so she stepped in and immediately the door closed ever so silently though. It was pretty dark inside at first but she could see a light further back in the room so she followed it. She was quiet because she heard a man speaking. It was not Vader or Palpatine, but someone Padme did not recognize. She knew the man was giving some kind of report and she came around the partition to see Vader standing on a holopad listening.

"Captain, I am not pleased." was what she heard from Vader and the before the man could respond he was pulling at his collar trying to gasp for air. She saw Vader's hand close and the man fell to the floor dead. Padme gasped and before she knew it there was darkness surrounding her. Vader heard her gasp and turned just in time to catch her and keep her from banging her head on the Floor. He went to her and he picked her up and laid her on a couch located on the left wall and went back to the holopad. Captain Anil was gone from the view port and Second Officer Allen was standing in his stead. Vader promoted him to captain and said, "I will be back in another week and I expect everything will be back in order when I get there."

"Understood, sir. Allen out."

"Vader out"

With that the view screen went black; Vader turned his attention to Padme lying on the sofa. His voice turned soft as he brushed a stray hair from her face. "What are you doing here, Angel?" She did not respond, of course, so Vader picked her up took her from the room. As he was carrying her up the stairs she stirred and turned her big brown eyes towards him. She focused on him and started to cry.

"How could you! How could you do something so awful to someone." she cried as she tried to hit him. But he saw the blow coming and used the force to block her hand from actually making contact with his face. He took her to their room before talking to her.

"What were doing somewhere where you should not have been? That room is forbidden."

"I did not know and I missed you. I came to look for you, but I should not come looking. What I saw scares me more than you know. I had always hoped that one day you would come and save me from Palpatine. Now you have and I wish you never did. You are no different that he." She spat at him. He dumped her roughly on the bed.

"Padme you have no idea what my life is like. You have no right to judge it."

"Really ! I think I have every right. I suffered through the worst of his torture for three years. I felt those hands close around my neck many times and right before I would die he would stop. I would be half dead and he would revive me. I only wanted to die and he would not let me. I told myself that you could not be so cruel. When I woke up to find you here I thought I was safe. I am wrong though."

"Padme I rescued you because I wanted protect you. Not because I wanted to hurt you. I am different. These past three years have changed me. I know Palpatine; he would have taunted you with the fact that I am not the same person you remember." Frustration mounted in his voice, "Why am I even defending myself to you? I have become who I wanted to be all along."

"Have you? Have you really, Vader? I see a powerful man but not the most powerful man. You have always been powerful. I also know something about Palpatine. He promised you power beyond you imagination but you are still his apprentice. He has shown you power but you are no more powerful than you were already. You just use your power in different ways. Anakin was not happy being someone's Apprentice but for some reason Vader has settled for it." She backed away after saying this steeling herself for a blow she thought she would be getting. But instead of a blow, Vader started to laugh. _Why is he laughing? I just said some very mean things to him. This is definitely a different reaction than I was expecting._

Vader stopped laughing, and turned to Padme and kissed the top of her head. "You still do speak your mind don't you angel."

She softened at the kiss because when he kissed her it always made her heart melt. She lay down on the bed because all this fighting was wearing her out, and he lay next to her. "Padme you must understand I have not settled to be an apprentice, but I also have not learned all I can from Palpatine. I will know when I am ready to do what I will need to do."

"What do you need to do?"

"I am going to get rid of him. You think I don't know he has kept things from me. He has lied to me, too, many times and then what he did to you was just enough to make me hate him just for still breathing. My hate always makes me strong but I have not yet learned something I need that will be very important. Masking my presence when I am around him. He is ever wary of me and some sort of treachery that I may one day deal him. I need it planned at the right time and in the right way and also I need to be faster than him. You know he beat Yoda back 3 years ago and I know I am not ready to face him yet." He paused before finishing his thoughts. "What you saw me do today was just a way to keep order among my men. I must have complete obedience and I expect nothing but the best from my men. The man you saw has failed me too many times. He was just too much of risk to me. He could cause my death by his mistakes and I will not allow that to happen. Do you understand?"

"I am not so sure I understand but I will say I can't change it. You are not the man I married and I am not the woman you married. Our changes are irrevocable and I will accept you as you are. I can't do anything else. I still love you." With that said, She snuggled into his embrace and closed her eyes so she could get some much needed rest.


	8. Chapter 8

**AN:** Thank you to all who read this story. I hope you are not mad that it takes me so long to write. Between my schedule and the fact that I have some major writers block, I am having a hard time getting chapters written. I hope you all like this chapter.

**Disclaimer:** Because I have not put this on here in a while, and because I don't want anyone to think I own these people, I am going to say GL owns them and make money on them. I am just making them livein an alternate universe.

Chapter 8

"_Anakin …. Anakin , where are you!"_

_She looked up into the face of a baby. It's a boy. Pain suddenly seized her body again. "Anakin! Help me!" she cried as the pain wracked her body two more times. Then she was looking into the face of another baby. This time it was a girl._"_Luke and Leia." was said a bare whisper. She asked to hold her babies but suddenly they were gone. _

_She was walking through a forest searching , calling the names, "Luke ….. Leia…" No response. She became frantic, calling louder. She started running searching holes, caves, and behind trees. All to no avail. Suddenly a loud sinister laughed caused her to jerk around. A man in a black robe that covered his whole body stood right behind her. "What's the matter, my friend, can't you find your children?" the voice was the voice of Emperor Palpatine, and she was very afraid. _

_Yet she could not keep herself from asking, "Do you know where there they are?"_

_He said nothing ; only threw off his black robe to reveal, not Palpatine as she had expected, but ObiWan. His face was aglow with a eerie yellow light. His eyes were glowing red. His hands suddenly became skeletal bones and his voice became a snarl as he said, "Here they are!" and in his hands appeared two tiny skeleton remains._

"_Nnnooo!" _

Padme sat straight up in bed screaming. Sweat dripped from every part of her body making the sheets cling to her. Vader sat up next to her and pulled her into an embrace. She wailed into his shoulder for so long he feared he would have to call for a doctor. She finally seemed to settle down though it was a while before she could speak. Vader hit his com and ordered Jennifer to bring Padme some water. She gladly took the glass from Jennifer when it was brought and Vader waved her out of the room.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked gently.

"Not right now please just hold me until I go back to sleep."

He did as she asked. Neither of them went to sleep for quite a while. Vader lay beside her his jaw working as anger built up inside him. He was so angry that Padme had been though such horrible tortures. She should never have to relive those things even in dreams. _She would not have to relive such things if had never crossed the line._ The Little voice of Anakin seemed to pipe up. No sooner had he reared his head than The strong voice of Vader walked over and squashed him flat. Regrets were for cowards and Vader was no coward.

Padme watched the clock change from 3:30 to 4:00. Then minute by minute she watched it change to 4:30. Around that time she made out the sound of Vader's deep breathing. She careful extracted herself from his arms and went out on the veranda. She needed some cool air on her skin and she hoped it would serve to clear her head. She sat on the reclining chair and closed her eyes to try and forget the dream. She quickly opened her eyes again becauseinstead of forgettingthe dream came flooding back to her. She wondered what had prompted such an awful dream about her children. She had no idea where they were, or even if they were alive.

Then a thought hit her that she had not thought about. What if she told Vader about them and he turned them into a Sith. Could she deal with that? She thought about on that and she pictured a tiny little hand fixed in the shape of a C while his nursemaid lay on the floor gagging for her life. The thought sent shudders through her.

Yet the thought of never knowing where her children were or if they were dead, sent a chill through her body that did not seem to stop. She pulled her robe closer to her body to help ward off the chill, but since it came from within it did nothing to stop the trembling. She knew also, that she could and would never be able to keep the information about the children to herself forever. She determined that she would tell him when he woke up.

Before she knew it she realized the night was passing and the morning was coming. Because the Balcony faced East she was rewarded with full view of the sun making it's entrance for the day. The purples were slowly turning brighter blue when Vader stepped out on the veranda. He took the seat next to her and quietly took her hand. They sat in companionable silence for sometime until Padme broke the silence.

"I am sorry about waking you last night."

"No need to apologize. I have had dreams like that before…." His words just seemed to fade into nothingness. Yet she knew that he meant before he had found her.

"I dreamed about the children."

He was silent for a moment; then he realized what she had said. "Children! You said children not child. Why!"

"Because Ana…Vader I had twins three years ago." She said starting to cry.

Vader got up he and he started pacing the Balcony. He was muttering to himself as he was pacing. "Lies everything that man ever told me was lies. ….. I can't….. Stupid….. More powerful than him someday."

Padme did not hear everything he said nor did she care too much about what he said. She was lost in her own world at the moment thinking about the children. What had happened to them? Everything was fuzzy in her mind about that day except that she clearly remembered twins being born.

Suddenly Vader came over and sat beside her. "What were their names?"

"The boy was Luke and the girl was Leia."

"Did they live?"

"I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know? How can you not know?" He practically yelled at her.

She did not know why he had to yell at her about it. It was not her fault. In fact, if she was to blame someone it should be him. He was the one who left her in the critical moment of her life."I don't know, because I was apparently dead as soon as they were born. No thanks to you." She spat back angrily through the tears that were streaming down her cheeks.

At that Vader, who reacted with volcanic emotion, smacked Padme across the cheek quite hard. Padme stood up and left him on the balcony. She ran downstairs and called for Jennifer. She was going to leave and she needed help.

Jennifer came right away and she went with Padme to the room. Suddenly Padme realized she had nothing. _What am I going to do? _she thought. She would not stay with a man who slapped her. She'd had enough of men's cruelties when she was a prisoner. She would not take it when she had the chance to stand up for herself. She did the only thing she could do at the moment. She left the room that she had shared with Vader since coming. She moved to the Blue room and she locked the door.


	9. Chapter 9

Authors note: Sorry again that life has interupted the story. I always hope for better weeks soI can work more but that never seems to happen. Thank you for reading. Disclaimer is on last chapter for those who care.

Chapter 9

Vader stayed on the veranda after Padme left. He was so angry at the way things were unraveling in his life. Everything about his life was a lie. First he finds Padme in the hallway of the Emperors Star Ship. Now he finds out that his children were born and they could possibly be alive. He had not even considered that possibility when he had found her. He was so caught up with idea of having her back that he had totally forgotten about the children. The thought of the children excited him, and the thought that they were taken from him made him angrier. His anger, needing an escape, came bellowing out of his throat in and angry howl as his fist curled into metal fists of force. The chairs on the veranda started to bend from the force of the anger radiating out of Vader's body. He realized the house was shaking from the scream. The doors to his room flew open shattering the glass and Vader stormed back into the room. He expected to find Padme in there possibly hiding in the corner, from his rage filled out burst. His anger was still there but it had subsided some from his outburst. He needed to talk to Padme and find out more things about the day the children were born.

"Padme" he called with anger lacing the call. "Come here I need to ask you some more questions."

Silence.

Vader checked the fresher, and the closet. Both were empty and this served to upset him more causing him to feel enveloped in a cloud of blackness. He wanted to find Padme and bring her back kicking and screaming but suddenly the thought of treating her that way caused him to stop and pause and think about what he was thinking of doing. _I need to calm down and think clearly. When I normally find myself in hard and unpleasant circumstances I remain calm. I can do that now. _He allowed the anger to flow through him and make him more in tune with his surroundings. He reached out with the force to look for her signature. He found her in the bedroom down the hall. She was crying. He was shocked until he remembered what had transpired not long ago. Suddenly he felt bad for slapping her. _Regret? Regret is not something I have dealt with for 3 years. Regret shows weakness._ Yet for this act of anger he could not push away that feeling as easily as he had other times.

* * *

Jennifer brought Pamde a cool cloth to put on her face where Vader had hit her. Padme held the cloth to her face and when she pulled it away blood was on the cloth from a cut on her lip. She had been so desperate to get away from Vader that she had not even noticed her was bleeding. She looked at the blood on the cloth. Vader's metal hand had caused more damage than she had realized. Her handmaid sat on the bed beside her.

"Milady what will you do?"

"I am not sure, Jennifer."

"Milady, forgive me for saying it, but you need to leave him."

"How Jennifer? You tell me how. I have nothing. I have been nothing. I was stripped of everything 3 years ago. I don't even have clothes to go anywhere. Vader gave me this robe and it is about the only thing I have that is mine. If you can call it mine." Padme ended on a dejected note.

"Milady, you and I are the same size. I can let you have my clothes. I am almost sure not one of the servants here would stop us. I just don't know how Akaash, the one in charge of all of us, will react to such a thing. I have not figured out if he is loyal to Vader or if he is too scared of loosing his head to defy him."

"Aren't you afraid of defying Vader?"

"Yes but my life is not that important. If I can get you away from him, my life would be worth something then. He is nothing but meanness and anger. There is nothing good in him and if you stay with him he will kill you. Just like he has every other person who he knows."

"Jennifer how do you know he kills everyone he knows? You have only been here two weeks."

"Well its what the other servants have said to me."

Jennifer was cut short by a scream that seemed to rip through the whole house. Windows rattled and the walls shook. Fear ran through Jennifer and she ran to the fresher to hide. Padme on the other hand absorbed the waves that shook the house knowing exactly what had caused the scream. In that scream, she could feel Vader's Anger but also his pure grief at the knowledge that his children were ripped away from him. She felt sorry for him and if she could she would have went and put her arms around him. She knew it would not help and it would not make anything better. She would wait for him.

"Jennifer" she called after the shaking subsided. "Come here."

Jennifer came out as she was bid. "Milady we must leave soon."

"No Jennifer we are not going to leave."

"But Milady he smacked you drawing blood and then his anger shakes the whole house. You can't stay here he will kill you."

"You know nothing of him. You see and hear what others have said to you but what do you know him. I know him. Three Years ago he choked me almost to death in his anger but he did not go that far. Before he became Vader he was Anakin Skywalker. He had a good heart and loved me wholly. The day he tried to kill me he thought I had betrayed him and all the others who knew him turned against him. Yet he didn't follow through with his actions and in my heart I knew that there was still good in him. You can't make the good go away you just cover it up."

"Milady it sounds like you are saying it is ok for him to choke you and hit you."

"No I am saying he is not the monster you think he is. Who were you before he brought you here?"

"He killed my former master when he saw him beating me in the market. I ran from him but he found me and told me I had to come with him. You were still out at the time and he told me I was to be your attendant. Akaash has told me I will get a salary for my work so I guess I am no longer a slave. You see that is the only difference between the 2 masters. Vader is cruel I see it in his eyes when I look at him."

"I see that look also but there are times I see another look. I saw it when I woke up last week. I saw it last night when I woke from a terribly distressing dream. There is good in him and I will not give up on him. I can't save him but I can stick with him. I thoroughly believe that he brought you here to save you from your bad situation. You see he was once a slave and he hates slavery."

"Maybe so milady but if I cross him he will kill me. There is no difference to me." She said truthfully and then she changed the subject back to Padme. "What if he hits you again? Are you just going to go back to him so he can do that again?"

"I am not going to move back to his room. I can't be treated like that again. Palpatine did such things to me and much worse. He is evilness to the core. You know nothing of evil until you meet him. I see now all my life he has been evil. He masked it really good between all his fancy speech and his 'care' for me. I see now how he thought I was an easy target but when I proved to him that I was not an easy target he tried having me killed. Then he captured me and did horrific things to me. I will not let myself be treated like that again." Tears spilled out of Padme's eyes and ran unchecked down her face. "See that is another reason I can't leave here. Palpatine will find me and nothing will spare me if that happens. Vader has always loved me and I will be mostly safe here. But I will not put myself in harms way."

Jennifer sat in silent awe of what she heard from Padme about Palpatine. How could anyone be worse than Vader? She put an arm around Padme because she knew Padme needed comfort. Padme continued crying because she had to stay away from Vader for fear of the same treatment she had gotten from Palpatine. She knew she still loved him, but she would not go through that again if she had any kind of say in the matter. She also knew that Vader still loved her and that there was still good in him. She knew that if she stayed here she was safe from Palpatine. As much as she did not like Vader for hitting her she was more afraid of Palpatine. She also knew another thing Vader would find his children and she would know once and for all what happened to them. She desperately wanted to know.


	10. Chapter 10

**Authors Note: **I am so sorry for not updating in such a long time. I have been wickedly busy with Thanksgiving and Christmas Preperations. Plus I felt like I had written myself into a corner with that last chapter andI did not know how to get Vader and Padme back together without compromising the characters. ( I hope I did a believeable job)I talked it out with a friend and soI dedicate this chapter to her. Thanks dear. NowI hope you enjoy this chapter. Hopefully more will come this week as the kids and I are on Christmas break.

Chapter 10

Padme was mentally exhausted. She did not know how her poor heart could take another wrong thing this wretched day. Remembering her children's birthday was hard enough and being physically assaulted by one man she thought she could trust made her heart feel like one sore pile of Jell-O. She had just enough strength to get in bed and pull the covers over her head. She did not want to think anymore or talk she just wanted oblivion. Soon the darkness of sleep took over and cradled her the peaceful bliss she so needed.

Padme was hardly asleep when a presence seemed to walk into her dark bliss. _She could not make out whom it was yet somehow the presence was familiar. It came to her as dark rolling thundercloud yet for some reason she was not afraid of it. It did not consume her, as she would have expected. Instead it stood still just an arm length away from her. She felt the urge to touch the cloud and when she did a light seemed to burst from the very center of the cloud. It entered her and filled her with a burst of fire that toughed her very heart making it strong again. "Anakin," she whispered. Suddenly the cloud changed into the form of Vader. He said nothing he just touched her cheek where he had hit her and kissed it. The kiss was not soft nor was it rough. At the touch of his lips to her cheek all the soreness went away and she could feel the bruise dissipate into nothingness. Then his lips traveled from her cheek to her lips and they claimed them. She gasped for the possessiveness that was conveyed in the kiss. Vader's lips were hard and yet not hard enough to bruise. This was kiss that told her she was his and none could or would take her from him. She knew that she wanted to be no where but right there at that very moment. She threw her arms around his neck and met his kiss with an equally hard and possessive kiss of her own. She always knew she could never resist him forever and he had always held her heart no matter what. Love for him filled her again and she felt strong enough to go face him, in fact the need for him drove her from the blissful world of sleep. _

Padme's Eyes pooped open and she jumped from the bed practically screaming for Jennifer.

She came running in the room half in a panic. "What is it, milady?"

"I need to get cleaned up can you find me some fresh cloths, please."

"Are we leaving, milady?"

"No, just the opposite. I need to see my husband but I will not go to him looking like this."

"Oh milady, you can't he will hurt you again."

Padme turned to her with a slight glare. "You would dare to defy me? I can hurt you my dear. I don't want any arguments. I know what I am doing and you need to help me do what I need to do."

Jennifer bowed meekly to Padme. She was quaking inside because she had never seen her mistress so upset her. She had spoken her mind so freely earlier that she had forgotten her place. Jennifer ran from the room to go and find something for Padme to wear. She went to her closet and got a simple black silk gown. It was sleeveless with tiny pearl straps that went across the shoulders making an X in the back. It was floor length with the little pearls trimming the very end of the gown. Jennifer had worn it once when her old master had needed her to join him at an elegant party. She hated the party because she went with him yet for some reason she could not get rid of the dress when she left with Vader. It was the only thing she brought from that place and she was sure it was because the dress itself was too beautiful to destroy. She had no intention of ever wearing it again so she had no problem giving it to Padme.

Padme was just getting out of the shower when Jennifer came back to the room. "Milady, will this do?"

Padme dressing in nothing but a towel came out of the fresher to see what Jennifer had brought. She could not believe her eyes. It was perfect. "Jennifer, I just love it. Where did you find such a beautiful dress on such short notice?"

"It was once worn by me, milady. But I gladly give it to you."

"Jennifer please forgive my outburst earlier. I have no intention of ever harming you. I just need you to know that I love Vader. I can't explain it. I never have been able to explain it. I just know when it come to loving him I do and he loves me under that hard exterior there is a soft beating heart. His heart is pure I have always known this and that is why I have always loved him even though it has never been easy."

"How can you tell, milady?"

Padme slipped on the dress and picked up her brush and began brushing her hair. "I met Vader before he followed the Emperor. He was just a nine year old slave boy on Tattoine ……" Jennifer took the brush from Padme's hand because as she told the story about the love of her life it had become idle. Padme talked and as the story was ending Padme noticed that Jennifer had started to make her hair into an up do but Padme stopped her. "Vader likes it down. No fancy hairdo this time." So Jennifer just put two pearl clips into it to keep the hair from falling over her eyes.

Padme surveyed herself and knew she was ready. She was not nervous because she also knew that Vader was waiting for her and she was ready to face him. She walked out of the room and down the hall to Vader's bedroom.

* * *

Vader was waiting for her with anticipation seeming to jump out of his body. He was determined not to show it but his stomach was aching with what seemed like a million knots tying and untying themselves in his body. He had gotten a shower also and now was dressed in a black tee shirt with black pants. Black suited him and as he looked himself over he gathered all his confidence and made himself calm down so he was ready for Padme when she came to him. 

He had known that he could make her come back to him. Yet a part of him still had a small fear that she would reject him. She had kissed him with all the passion and desire that he had always known her to have for him and yet he still was afraid she would not come. _Afraid!1 What's the matter with me? I am Lord Vader. I fear nothing. _Yet there was something about Padme that always made his heart turn to Jell-O.

_Get a hold of yourself man_. He mentally slapped himself. _You have been with this woman many times and you deserve her. Yes you are her husband and you have saved her from much she should be worshipping the ground you walk on. You don't need to show her kindness. You are after all Lord Vader. _Yes I will have what I want Vader answered himself.

At that Moment there was a knock on the door. He opened the door from where he sat by the fireplace on the other side of the room. He turned to the door and his heart seemed to jump from his chest at the sight of her. Yet his face stayed a perfect mask of calm. Years of practice came in handy at times.

"May I come in Lord Vader?" Padme asked stiffly though she too had a heart jump at the sight of him. She knew she needed to show him respect in order to get what she wanted from him also. So she acted as she had been trained over her many years in office. She masked her true emotions and gave the respect and attitude she knew he wanted from her. Oh it was not weakness for her to do this it was just she knew he needed it at this moment.

It worked perfectly because he knew she was giving him the control he needed and yet underneath he felt the reason for the giving up the control was because she loved him and that was what drove her to do it.

"Come and sit." he commanded though not harshly.

She sat quietly beside him. He ran his hand up her arm and the coolness of his hand sent shivers down her back. He noticed and liked the reaction she gave though her face showed no change.

"Where did you get this dress angel?" he asked quietly.

"It was given to me by my servant girl."

"It looks good on you."

Padme flashed him a smile and then looked into the fire. As she stared into the fire, she remembered the time at the lake on Naboo when they sat before a fireplace very similar to this and a very young Anakin had opened his heart to her for the first time. She longed for him to say such things to her again but she knew that would not happen now. Tears suddenly welled up in her eyes though they never fell.

Vader felt her sudden change of mood and noticed the glisten of tears in her eyes. He knew what she wanted to hear and though he knew the feeling was there he would not bring himself to say the words. The love was there but he had squelched his heart for so long there was no way to make it come out. Instead he took her face and turned it towards him and he grabbed her lips with his. Her lips tasted like honey to a starving bear and his hands could not stay only on her face. He found that his hands had a mind of their own and they traveled down her back. Silently her cursed his mechanical hand because he though they moved across her body her could not feel the softness of her skin with them. He could feel the readiness that came from her lips though as they continued to kiss. He could feel her hands wrapping around his neck and twisting in to his hair as the kiss deepened. His traveled down her neck and he felt the softness of her that way. When he kissed her pulse point he felt her heart racing and reveled in the fact that he was doing this to her. He claimed her lips again pulling her tightly against himself.

She closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around his neck as they kissed. The tears spilled down her cheeks as she closed her eyes to better capture the feelings that was flowing through her right now. She could not seem to stop the tears anymore than she could stop loving him. She cried for sheer happiness at this feeling and for sheer sadness because she felt like her heart would break knowing she would never hear the three words that she longed so much to hear from those sweet lips that were driving her crazy right now. His lips claimed hers again and her tears mingled with their kiss. Sweet and yet salty, love and yet bitterness, this was how life always was for them. She knew somehow this was how it was always going to be.

* * *

A/N 2: I hope you are not upset thatI did not go into detail when she was telling Jennifer about thier romance but I figured you guys already know that soI did not need toget into it again. 


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Vader woke the next morning feeling happy and complete. Padme was curled into his side just where she belonged. He wanted to stay right where he was at this moment but he knew it was time to get back to the emperor. Palpatine would be expecting him soon. Vader would never do anything to make Palpatine suspect him of anything. He knew that when Padme woke up he would have to break the news to her. Somehow of all the times he had dreamed that he had her back in his arms there was never any leaving involved. Well then again he never thought she would come back to his arms ever again. So he had to take one thing at a time. Now was not the right time for revenge. It was the time though to search for his children.

The thought of his children drove him from bed though he was careful to not wake Padme from her sleep. It hurt beyond words to know that HIS children were out there somewhere and he did not know where. He went out to the veranda and breathed in the fresh clean air. He stood facing the morning sun and brooding about his children when he felt a soft hand slide across his back. Instantly the cloud over his head dissipated. _Amazing _he thought,_ one little touch from her and my world becomes clear. How did I ever live without her? Oh yes I lived with no light in my life. _She knew nothing of his thoughts though as she stood next to him. They stood silent for a while and then Vader broke the silence.

"I must leave today."

Padme sucked in her breath and let it out in a big sigh. "I knew it was coming. I hoped I could have you for another week at least though."

"You know I would stay if I could but Palpatine will be looking for me."

Padme stiffened at that name. She doubted she would ever hear that name without hate rising in her heart threatening to boil over. Vader drew her close to reassure her that he would protect her at all cost from him.

"How long will you be gone?"

"I need to go to Corusant and be at the base there fro awhile. I may be gone 2 months."

"It is what we are destined to do, isn't it? There will always be something in our lives to keep us apart." Padme said with such sadness in her voice that is was almost like a black hole had filled her voice. She had dreamed of having him back but she suddenly realized she might never have him the way she truly wanted.

Vader wanted her to be happy again, but he also had to go. He could not destroy the emperor yet he was not strong enough. There were still things he needed to learn. Vader was not sure how he would know when the time was right, but he was sure the force would tell him when he was ready. Right now, the thing he wanted most was to find his children.

"Padme, I want you to know that I will be busy not just with the my duties but I will looking for the children."

A light shone in Padme's eyes and then tears glistened in them. "I fear it will be an impossible thing. I remember having the twins but I have no idea where I was."

"It does not matter. I will find them. Now there is something I want to tell you. This Palace is in a force void. I chose this place for my home just for that reason. I wanted a place where I could go without Palpatine being able to know my every move. It is far away from any town. Now if you leave this place Palpatine could detect you. I say this because it is true; not because I want confine you. I want to be able to come home to you; not find you missing because I failed to make this clear."

"Two whole months without you and now I can't even leave the palace! Oh Vader! Will I live like Normal person?" She cried as tears streamed from her eyes. She grew so angry at what had become of her life that when Vader tried to comfort her she pushed him away and ran into fresher to cry. Half an hour later she came out looking normal.

"Are you ok, Angel?"

"Yes Vader, I will be fine. I just …. I have trouble sometimes with how my life has turned out. It seemed so perfect just 5 years ago. Nothing is right anymore. I had hoped that when I woke up and saw you everything would be just right but really it is worse. Why can't we just live by ourselves and not bother with that Man in power."

"I can't just leave him without him making it his mission in life to hunt me down and when he finds me he will find you. Do you really want that?"

"No" She said dejectedly.

"I won't loose you again. Please stay here so you are safe. If you need or want anything please tell Jennifer and she will get for you. I won't be gone longer than necessary. I promise."

"I believe you. Now I need one more thing from you before you go."

"What Is that?"

She said nothing she just led him over to the bed and smiled.

* * *

AN: Sorry for the short chapter and the not great writing today. This is my transition chapter. Padme may be missing for a few chapters. We shall see. I also have had my hours changed with my Babysitting Job so I have been fighting my very fuzzy brain from my lack of sleep. Hope I can get a better chapter up soon. Thanks all for reading. 


	12. Chapter 12

**AN: **I am so sorry it has taken me so long to update. School has been nothing but a head ache this year andI am only the teacher. Plus my muse ran away for about 3 months. Well now she is back and I hope to get chapters out faster. I really hope you like the chapter.

* * *

Chapter 12

Vader stalked onto the bridge of the _Executer_. He was angry that he had to be back here instead of back in his bedroom with Padme. Oh well he may as well make good use of his time here. First he had to make sure everything was exactly as it should be. He looked around. Everyone was at his or her stations busily working. He noticed that all eyes averted him as he scanned the room. Captain Allen was waiting at the view port for him.

"Things look in perfect shape Captain."

Allen was quite shocked to hear such a thing from Vader and yet it was said in such a low voice no one heard but Allen. His face stayed like a plastered mold though Vader felt a shiver of pleasure run up his spine. Allen's only reply was, "Everyone is awaiting your orders My Lord."

"Well let's not make them wait any longer. Lieutenant set a course for Imperial City."

"Yes sir."

"Captain I will be in my quarters if you need me. Please proceed when ready."

Vader turned and stalked off the bridge. Oh how he hated to go to Imperial city and meet with the Emperor. His heart filled with dread and Anger all pointed at that Man. He was not sure how he was going to keep his hatred under control in front of Palpatine. He still could not believe his luck at finding Padme alive. Yet this thought made his anger boil. He wanted to kill Palpatine but at this moment he would just about settle for anyone and just as luck had it there was an unfortunate trooper who received the brunt of his anger. Vader left him in a heap to be taken care of by an ensign who was just grateful it was not him that happened be in the way.

Vader found his room on the ship dark and empty. He missed the calming essence of Padme that fills his room back on Vjun. He sat at his desk and stared out the window knowing the stars were rushing by way too fast too see them. He only had 2 hours to himself and he wanted to get started finding his children. He knew he could not personally do it so he had to find someone to do it for him. A bounty hunter would easily be able to do it but most bounty hunters could be bought with any amount of money. He had to find someone he could trust and someone who would be loyal only to him. This was not going to be easy.

He pulled up data on all bounty hunters. He rejected many but then someone showed up at the end of the list that Vader did not expect. It was a bounty hunter by the name of Kitster Banni. Vader clicked on the name and was shocked to see his childhood friend's face appear on the screen. Oh to be sure he had changed a lot. His hair was longer and he had a well-muscled body. The face and his eyes though were just as Vader remembered. Vader read his list of qualifications. There were not many captures. But he did have a record of 3 out of 5 captures. It was a most impressive record for a novice. Kitster was always resourceful. Vader decided to see what would happen when he called him to his apartment on Imperial City.

* * *

Kitster walked into the sparsely lit cantina. _Why are these places always dark and loud?_ He wondered. Loud was not really the word he would say for this place. Earsplitting, that would be what he would call it. The music coming for band drowns out any and all noise other than them. He looked around and saw people and beings floating around the room. No one was doing anything noteworthy. There was a game of sabacc over in the corner, a few people were making out in their booths, and some were just staring off into space. Tonight he had not come for any of these things though. Tonight he had a mind to take part in some Corellian Whiskey. He plain and simply wanted to get wasted. He wanted to loose himself in sweet bliss of nothingness. Then his wounds would not hurt so much. He failed at his last job and the employer was none to pleased. Kitster had taken a beating at the hands of his thugs. Oh he had given almost as much as he had gotten but in the end they had cracked a few ribs and cause much bruising. Right now he was glad he was nobody in the business. He could afford to loose some money as long as he did not loose any reputation. 

Kitster had not wanted Jabba the Hutt to hear of him being a bounty hunter so he had left Tatooine and had come to live on Corellia. He also had not wanted to join the bounty hunters. He wanted to go at it alone. Make enough money to live well yet not enough to catch the attention of the Hutts or the Emperor. He was not loyal to the Empire or any gangsters he was only loyal to himself and he wanted to be able to decide whom he worked for and when he worked. Little did he know though that this is what drew a certain Dark Lord to his profile. Right now all he knew was that his mind was slowly numbing just as he had wanted.

* * *

Vader disembarked from his shuttle. The evenings light shown on Imperial City making the city appear engulfed in flames. From his vantage point on 500 Republic he had a clear view of the ruined Jedi 

Temple. Suddenly the whole scene changed and world grew dark. The Jedi Temple was no longer in ruins it was engulfed in flames and Vader heard screams over the usual sounds of the city traffic. Everything faded out except the screams if anything they intensified. Vader closed his eyes and reopened them hoping to see the cityscape but instead he found himself inside the council chambers of the temple. He looked around but no one was there or at least that is what he thought at first. Fear suddenly hit him like a slap in the face and he walked around the room and discovered that there were younglings in the room hidden behind the seats. He we went to them and looked on them as they coward behind the seats. Instead of feeling powerful at their fear as he usually felt he had the urge to comfort them and tell them all would be well. He put his hand out to touch the head of the blonde haired child but pulled it back as he suddenly realized it was hand of flesh and not mechanical. He looked at the hand and then at himself and realized he was not Vader he was Anakin. There was no time to ponder on how this happened though because the door whooshed open and there stood a mirror image of him. Anakin knew what was going to happen and he grabbed his light saber, but he was just a shadow in the room as far as they were concerned. The blonde hair boy ran up to Vader bravely speaking to him like he was Anakin. Then Vader's light saber ignited and the child jumped slightly. Anakin jumped between Vader and the little boy but Vader's Light saber just flowed through him like a hot knife through butter. Vader cut down all the children and each time Anakin watched one fall it was just like the saber was stabbing him. Finally all the children lay lifeless on the floor and Vader suddenly turned to Anakin.

Vader circled around Anakin like Lion circles his prey. "You! Why have you shown up again? I thought you were gone for good."

"No Vader I was never gone. You just chose to ignore me. I am with you always and actually it is your fault I am here."

"My Fault?" Vader scoffed. "I don't want you or need you especially not here."

"Ah, but there is someone who wants me and needs me."

Instead of a reply from Vader he just screamed and Anakin was enveloped by a black cloud that choked him and he was gone. Vader opened his eyes and he was back on the landing pad above the senatorial housing building. He was shaken and drained by the vision. Did Padme really want Anakin back? It did not matter because Anakin would not come back if he could help it. Vader did not want to be that scared little boy who was always getting in trouble. Now he was a strong powerful man who had no room for that sniveling cowering man. It would stay that way and Padme would truly love him better than she had loved Anakin.

* * *

AN2: Yes I know Kitster was not a bounty hunter but since this is an AU I used him anyway. Anakin will torment Vader more now that Padme is back.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Palpatine waited patiently for Vader to enter his office. Through the force, he had felt Vader's anguish. The ripples affect assaulted his mind causing him almost fall from the force of it. Just that quick though the darkness settled and everything was calm again. Palpatine laughed sadistically. Vader was always at his best when he works though his pain and anger. Palpatine knew in that state Vader could easily overpower him. Truth be told he was actually no match for Vader, but one the advantages of being the master is that he knows things the apprentice does not know. He would not be making the same mistakes that Plagueis had made with him. He would not reveal all he knew to Vader. He would keep him way to busy doing his sword work. Palptine was sure that by keeping Vader busy he would not be able to follow in the steps of all the previous Sith apprentices. He planned on living forever and though Vader never disappointed him, he would eventually want a new apprentice.

* * *

Vader stood outside the large wooden doors to Palpatine"s chambers. He had to have time to pull himself together. He really hated when he fell apart over Anakin's memories, though truthfully the burning of the temple is a Vader memory. It was a day that was filled with ashes and burning and terrible awful loss and he never wanted to remember. One small of that day righted itself two weeks ago. For that Vader was grateful beyond words, yet along with the gratefulness anger boiled up and threatened to spill over. Yet he must not give a way his hand too quickly for he knew all to well Palpatine would use it to hurt him. He had no plans of ever handing Padme over to Palpatine again. This time he would think before he acted. Vader knew that he was never truly able to trust Palpatine. He knew he needed to guard everything he said to the man. So Vader dissipated his anger, put all thoughts of Padme behind a tight wall, and pushed open the door ready to meet Palpatine.

* * *

Vader left Palpatine's office and mentally sighed his relief. He had been successful in hiding his feelings and his thoughts on Padme. Palpatine had tried to read him but he had successfully drained his mind. Now as Vader headed to his apartment, His thoughts turned to his twins. Somehow Vader knew that finding them would help him overthrow Palpatine. He was not sure how it would happen; he just knew it would happen. So he would do all he could to make sure they were found. Hopefully Palpatine would be none the wiser.

* * *

Kitster's eyes could not focus, and his head throbbed so badly. He was sure a vein was going to explode in there any second now. He squinted as he looked around and suddenly realized he was not at home. "I wonder whom I went home with last night?" he thought to himself. He also knew from the looks of things that this was not one of his usual girl's homes either. This room was stark white. It almost hurt his eyes from the brightness of the white. The only furniture in the room was the bed he was laying on, a small table by the bed and one chair. A fresher was in the corner of the room and he suddenly realized his need for that room at the moment. He stumbled from the bed to the door and stood there for a second to steady himself. The fresher was no different than the bedroom, and it was pretty small also. Well it fit the need at the moment and he went in and closed the door. He was not sure whose room this was but need drove him to check the cabinet for something to make this headache go away. The cabinet was stocked with all kinds of things a man would need to get ready for his day, and yes there was something for his headache. Kitster made his way back into the room, but stopped suddenly as he noticed a man dressed in black sitting in the chair. He neither heard the door open nor the man walk into the room. He almost fell backwards in shock but caught himself against the wall. He suddenly realized that he was in the last place he ever wanted to be.

Kitster knew who the man in the chair was and inwardly he swore. "Oh Sith Spawn! What did I do to deserve this!" Vader just eyed him with his cold blue eyes, and the silence stretched out until Kitster thought he was going to die from the silence. He knew that Vader used to be his best friend Anakin Skywalker and he thought maybe if that boy was anywhere inside this man maybe he really could talk to him.

"Anakin Skywalker, I never thought I would ever see you again."

A flash of yellow appeared to fill the ice blue eyes, and Kitster knew he had made a serious mistake. He backed up to get farther way from Vader, but he hit the wall instead. He thought something was going to happen to him but just that quick it was gone and Vader planted a smile on his face.

" Because you are my old friend I will let that slip this once, but that man does not exist any more so DO NOT use that name again." Vader said through his "plastic" smile.

_Oh How could I be so stupid? I am dead for sure now, _Kitster thought. Out loud he said, "Yes Lord Vader, I am sorry."

"Come sit, Kister. You look like you could fall over with a breath of wind. I need to talk to you."

Kitster cautiously walked over to the bed. He was thrilled to be sitting again. He did not know how he had made it through that conversation without falling over. Kitster would not look at Vader but Vader was used to that so he just started talking.

"You have been brought here because I am in need of someone who I hope I can trust with this secret. You must be able to keep this secret even if you are captured or tortured by the Emperor. It will pay very well should you succeed at the job. I will pay all expenses that you should require for this mission. Here is the amount I am willing to pay at the end of this mission."

He showed Kitster an amount that made Kitster's mind swirl. _Wow with that much I could own my own planet. Oh but I will probably never see that kind of money. I mess up too many times._

"My Lord, respectfully, you do know that I am not always successful in my endeavors. I look like this because I messed up my last job."

Vader laughed, but then he got very serious. "I know what you have done, and my reason for bringing you here was because you are new and I am trusting you to do this job for me and keep it a secret. Can you do that?"

"For you Lord Vader, I would do anything." _I would do anything to keep my life._

Vader grinned having heard that thought. "The problem is not if you want to keep your life. The problem is if you will keep this job a secret despite the threat on your life. For if you are caught by Palpatine you will surely loose your life."

Kitster could not believe that he had been caught up working for Vader. It was exactly the place he never wanted to be. What should he do? He was stuck between death for denying Vader or death for possible failure and death by Palpatine should he be caught. Well being caught by Palpatine was not a certainty but death by Vader was very definite if he did not take the job, and there always was the possibility of him actually succeeding. Well, it looked to him like the only possible solution was to agree to do it. _I hope this is not an impossible task; though for that amount of money it probably is impossible. Well on one hand death and on the other only possible death I pick possible death._

"Good choice Kitster."

Again Kitster just stared at him in disbelief. How scary to work for someone who can read your mind.

"Lord Vader I will do your job and keep it a secret. I will try not to disappoint you."

"Good now here is the task. I have 2 children, twins,out there somewhere. I have no idea where they are. I do know that they were born on Polis Massa. You need to find out anything you can and bring my children to me. I must have them. Do you understand this task?"

"Yes My Lord." was all Kitster said as he bowed. "I will get on it right away." As Vader left the room a small knot began to grow in the pit of his stomach. Life had suddenly taken a huge turn and it was definitely not a good turn


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Padme waited not so patiently in her home. Vader had contacted her on his coded comlink and she knew he would show up soon. What was taking him so long? She paced by the front door looking at it every five seconds watching to see if the latch would turn.

It had been 6 months since she had seen him and she knew this would be a short visit. _I stand here waiting just like during the war. This time though Anakin won't be coming home to me. It is the same face but a totally different guy. _She had never seen any of the holonews reports over the last 6 months. She did not want to know what was going on in the world. The world had turned out to be a very dark place and it was something she was willing to hide from. Here she could dream that everything was normal. She could imagine that it really was Anakin coming home from the war. She could imagine that she never had any children and that Palpatine never existed. She liked it that way, and it would stay that way except for the small voice in her head that kept saying to her; _What happened to Luke and Liea? The man you are talking to is not Anakin. _The dreams she would have almost every night left her in a sweat and some night she would wake up screaming. So as much as she wanted the real world to go away it encroached on her everyday.

Today was different though. Vader called her in the middle of the afternoon instead of his standard night call. It scared her when she felt it vibrate. _Vader! What was wrong! _She had soon found out though that nothing was wrong he had new that set her heart on fire. He was coming home for short visit before he went on his next assignment. Two days was all she would get because if he stayed longer it would jeopardize his cover and ultimately it would jeopardize her. She was sure she would explode from the excitement that was building up in her. Jennifer had helped her get ready and she checked the mirror in the foyer quickly again just for something to do. There was really no need. Her makeup was perfect, the curls in her hair looked just like small rivers that flowed down her back and her simple dark blue gown was just the icing on the cake. She smiled slightly though her eyes held so much anxiety that the smile barely changed anything on her face.

Just as she was turning from the mirror, she heard the sound she had been waiting for all afternoon. The click of the door just before it was flung open. She gave a cry and ran for the door. Luckily for her it open all the way before reached it and she flung herself into Vader's arms. He was ready for it though. He had felt her tension and excitement while he was still outside. He gladly held her in his arms. He kissed her tears as he held her. No tears would come from him though. Just as his arms were hard so was the wall around his feelings. Yes he knew in his head that he loved her and he was happy to see her. Every fiber of his being wanted to touch her, to hold her and make love to her, but to cry as he used to at their meeting or whisper those 3 little words she wanted most to hear he just could not do it.

She did not care though she clung to him and actually dug her nails into his back so he would not let her go. Indeed she would have literally crawled inside him if it were physically possible. He carried her upstairs and still she would not let him go. As quickly as she could she removed his clothing and started kissing him from head to toe. He responded in kind and their body's danced in perfect rhythm until they were both satisfied. Vader fell asleep but Padme lay awake in his arms for quite a while. She had watched his face as they had made love and now all she could do was shed silent tears for what had not been on his face. Though they done an act, which should solidify their love, she had seen no love on his face. She knew somewhere deep inside was that love but he would not show it no matter what. There was no crack in his visage. It held the same unemotional look she knew he gave to all people. Anger seemed to be the only emotion he allowed to run rampant through him now. She had know this all along but somehow she had deluded herself into thinking she could crack that face somehow. She faced reality tonight though and it hurt more than she could possibly have thought. Right now all she could is cry her grief into her pillow.

* * *

Vader woke and relished the feel of Padme in his arms. He was immediately hit though by a cloud of sadness that seemed to be hovering over her head. _What was wrong with her? She should be happy because I am here. I know that I am content right here with her in my arms. _

A voice dared to be heard inside his head at that moment. _The problem is you don't love her as I do. You go through all the motions of loving her but you don't let yourself feel the love. I feel the love. I give her love._

Vader jumped out of bed. He turned to check if he had woken Padme up, by some miracle she was still sleeping. He left the room and went to workout. He hoped that would stop the voice from talking to him. He hated that voice. Why does that voice insist on being heard? Vader picked up some dumbbells and started doing curls, but the voice would not be stopped. This time not only would the voice rise but pictures of their life before would flood his mind. The first time he met her as 9-year-old boy when he had called her an angel. _See! I have always loved her. You can't give her that and you know it. She is starting to know it also._ Then came to mind the time he saw her after ten whole years. The feelings assaulted his mind and he remembered how it felt to love, but to truly feel them in this moment he did not feel them at all._ See you can't even feel what you remember. She needs more than just a body she needs a heart. You have no heart. _This was Anakin's fatal mistake because with that Vader dove on the worm in his mind and he again succeeded in crushing him. Vader would prevail; he would make sure that weakling Anakin would not show his face again.

Now he had the problem of his wife. How could he make her be ok with things as they are and not wish for things as they were? She loved him this he knew because she just exuded the feeling. It seemed to seep through every pore in her body. So why could he not just say the words she wanted to hear? Because she never was nor ever would be a weak minded person who was just placated by words; he needed a way to show her how he felt about having her again without just saying words that had not meaning. Then a picture of her walking through the gardens at the lake house came to his mind. She was happy and content amongst the flowers. He had it. He would make a Naboo garden here on Vjin. It would be costly and he would have to bring Naboo soil here just to make some of the plants able to grow, but it would show her his devotion. At least he hoped it would.

* * *

He had nothing to worry about though because she loved the idea and she even helped him make a list of all the flowers she loved. She also pictured the lake house and that garden she hoped with all her being that this garden would be as peaceful and a beautiful as that one. She watched it take shape and pictured herself sitting amongst the flowers with their perfume filling the air and allowing her the calm and peace they used to bring to her heart. _You see Vader cares as much for you as Anakin used to. He wants your happiness just as much and he is willing to go to great lengths to get it for you. Why don't you just forget Anakin and love Vader. _Padme sighed at this thought and answered it,_ because there is nothing like Anakin's touch and Anakin's lips and Anakin's heart. I know Anakin is in there somewhere being squelched and I will see him again someday. Anakin will eventually win out. _

Though Pamde watched and waited for the day Anakin would emerge she loved Vader as he was and she grew more used to know the love there though it was never expressed in words. Six months was along time between visits, but she accepted things as they were. And when he was home they clung to each other as if trying to become the other person. One day as soon as he comed her she gave him news that sent his mind reeling. "Vader I am going to have a Baby."


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

_**What **in the world am I going to do? How can I keep 2 people hidden from Palpatine? There is no telling what he would do to me if he found them. Of all the most awful luck. Well she will just have to get rid of the baby. I will look into who I can trust or who I can kill without it being noticed by the Empire. _These were the thoughts running through Vader's mind as he thought on the coming baby.

_**Oh how** I will love having this one in my arms every day of its life. This one I will not give away. Though I actually had no choice last time. I won't let him become paranoid like last time. He sees that I did not die last time though he did all he could to make it happen. This child will know who its parents are and it will be loved. _These were Padme's thoughts as she thought on the coming baby.

**Padme** was happily walking through her garden. She looked at each flower as though she had never seen them before. If it were possible this pregnancy was making her happier than she had ever been in her life. The last pregnancy had been filled with fear from the very beginning. Fear of being caught, fear of what it would do to Anakin, and fear of just being a parent. This time she was ready for anything. Vader would feel her happiness and all would go well this time she was sure of it. The first two months of the pregnancy had been tired filled and sick days though not too sick just enough to keep her from eating a half a shaak. She felt like she could easily eat her weight in shaak meat but she did refrain from such ghastly displays of hunger. Everything seemed to be going well. It was soon time for a nap though tiredness seemed to envelope her like a sleep cloud made just for her. She returned to the house and lay down.

**But all** did not go well for Padme. A very sharp stabbing pain that ripped though her lower abdomen awakened her. She jolted upright from the suddenness of it but never even made it to a full sitting position. She screamed with the pain and slammed back down on the bed. Jennifer came running in but rushed right back out and called a med droid to come help Padme. There was nothing to be done though and Padme lost the baby.

Words could not describe the feeling of emptiness that filled her shattered heart. She was not prepared for such a devastating blow and there was no around to help her over this emptiness. Her world became dark and a cloud of blackness filled her heart soul and mind. She could not get out of bed she just stared listlessly into the walls surrounding her bed. Jennifer buried the small bundle in the garden. Padme never acknowledged that it was gone she just laid in bed.

**Vader** was busy on the bridge of the Executor. Things were running smoothly and all was going according to plan. This new job the Emperor had given him seemed to be just the opposite of their normal routine. The emperor wanted this world to come into the Empire but not by force. This time he wanted Vader to help the people. The planet of Honoghr was dying and the Emperor saw it as a way to continue expanding his universe but this time he would show an act of kindness. But What Vader did not know was that the Emperor truly wanted to make them slaves to him forever. They would do want ever he wanted so that he could "heal" their land. Vader was curious about this act of "Generosity" but the Emperor assured him that not all worlds must be taken by force. Vader laughed but he left to do the bidding of his Master.

It was while departing for the planet that Vader felt a massive ripple of sadness flow through the force to him. He knew there was only one person capable of sending such a shockwave towards him and it would have to have been something major that happened to make the affects expand out towards him from that guarded place where she was held. The grief and despair hit him and enveloped him like it had her. Though he did not know why, he knew he had to get to his room and call home. Something horrible had happened there.

"Captain, you have the bridge. Don't let anything go wrong."

It was all he said before he left at hopefully natural pace. He got to his room, opened the safe, and pulled on the false wall that only he knew how to get to and quickly commed Padme. To his shock and fright, it was not Padme who answered but Jennifer.

"Jennifer, I thought I told you not to answer this comlink."

Jennifer froze in fear but suddenly the fear of his chocking hold on her throat scared into talking fast.

"My Lord, I would never presume to disobey you but for the fact that Lady Padme can't answer right now."

"Why Jennifer? What has happened to Padme?" He practically screamed at her into the com.

"My Lord, she has lost the baby and she has not left her bed since. She barely eats, just soup sometimes, but most times she just lies in the bed staring at the wall. You really should come home, sir, of course when you deem it necessary." She said the last sentence meekly hoping he did not think she was giving him orders. She had nothing to fear because after that she heard nothing more from him.

Vader sat in his room for quite sometime not moving or really not even thinking. He knew how much Padme looked forward to this child. He was happy for it just because it made her happy but in truth he was glad the little one was gone. It would have been risky and harder to hide this one from the Emperor. Vader had no idea if the Emperor knew about the twins but to add one that he would actually know would be awfully hard to hide after a while. At least this is what Vader told himself, because he never really knew his full potential or his full force capabilities. Palpatine held him back hoping he would never truly discover what he could really be.

Vader commed Jennifer back and told her to care for Padme and let him know if things changed but he needed to go on with this mission. So he went to carry out Palpatines orders. Vader did find himself grieving over his lost child though in ways he never expected. Dreams filled his mind of a child with no face calling to him to help him but always the child faded away or died before Vader could even get to it. These dreams left him feeling dazed and helpless. Calls home brought no good news anymore. Padme was not getting any better and a few times the med droid had to intravenously feed her because she had dehydrated herself. Vader felt at a loss about what to do because if he left his post early Palpatine would be angry and all would be lost because he would discover the truth about Padme. Death would not come quick enough for either of them. So he stayed though his heart was not in the work.

**Finally **after 6 long miserable months, Vader's immediate work was done on this forsaken planet. By now Vader had acquired a Noghri bodyguard. Depending on how well he worked for Vader, He would consider getting one for Padme. Of course that depended on whether Padme got better or not. Vader got back to his ship and set course for home immediately. Nothing would keep him away from her any longer.


	16. Chapter 16

**AN: **Oh my gosh! 1000 apologies to you my readers. real life has been so crazy. aaahhh! Well I have been sitting on this chapter for 2 months now. And one before that was too full to even think about the next chapter. I hope you like it.

**AN2: **I own nothing. All the Characters are totally GL I just want a different fate for Anakin and Padme.

Chapter 16

Vader rushed through the house and up the stairs to their room. The sight that greeted him was not a good. Padme lay on the bed neither looking at anything nor seeing anything. Her hair, that was usually soft and full of curls, was matted and stringy. Her usually youthful skin was pasty and as pale as death. Jennifer came in with some soup and gasped when she saw him but she suddenly burst into tears. "I am so sorry, My Lord. I can not help her. I have tried but she just lays there barely eating only sleeping. I can not wash her hair any more. She is too weak to hold herself up. Can you help her?"

"I will try, Jennifer." he said so softly she barely heard him. Then he turned to look at her and saw that she too was pale and fraught with worry. "You go to bed now. You will not have to care for Padme again until I leave."

Jennifer knew she was dismissed though Vader never actually told her to go. She was glad to leave the room, though later she wondered at the fact that Vader did not seem angry with her. He had seemed almost distraught as he was looking at Padme.

Vader sat down beside Padme and took her hand in his. She did not respond. He kissed her hand but still nothing. "Padme, can you look at me?" he asked in a tender voice that he had not used in long time. Still nothing. Vader crawled in bed with Padme and because he was travel tired he soon fell asleep.

He woke up in a different room though. At first he did not know where he was but he soon figured out that he was at the lake house in the bedroom he had slept in before he and Padme had been married. _Why am I here of all places and how did I get here?_ Vader wondered. Padme was no where to be seen, but he heard noises outside the house so he ventured from the bed and went out to the porch. What he saw really confused him? The sight that greeted him from the porch was a very young Padme and a boy Anakin. They were engaged in conversation, but the strangest thing was that Watto's shop seemed to have come outdoors. It was nothing but the counter with Anakin sitting on it and Padme standing there, but he would recognize that place wit his eyes closed. _"By the force, what is going on here?" _Vader yelled.

"_Well I should think you of all people should know what dream was, Vader." _Vader jumped at the voice almost as much as he jumped at who said it. Qui Gon.

Qui Gon was standing behind him looking as calm as always. Vader on the other hand was not so calm._ "How?….. Why?….. What….." _was all he really could get out though many more words were running through his head.

"_Vader you want to know how to make Padme better, Right?" _Vader just shook his head._ "Well. I am here to help guide you. No I am not alive. You can only see me in dreams."_

"_Master Jinn why are you helping me? I am a Sith."_

"_I know that. Why do you think I called you Vader? Now hush and watch."_

Vader turned back to the scene before him. Anakin was declaring to Padme that he would one day marry her. She laughed at him but as she laughed he noticed something happening in the ground off to her left. What he saw was a plot of the land suddenly appearing to be a freshly plowed plot of ground. Padme never took notice to the magical plot. She walked back into the house and as she walked her clothes changed her from a handmaiden to the Queen. Vader followed her into the house which became the palace and time went by. Vader checked the magical plot but nothing happened. Padme went through her duties and clothes suddenly began to change again and she was no longer queen but senator. Years past and still nothing happened in that plot of ground. Then a taller much older Anakin came to her apartment. Though the inside of the Lake house appeared as Padme's Senatorial Apartment the outside was still the same. Vader looked out the window but something had changed in the plot of ground. A beautiful red rose had sprung up in the ground. Padme also seemed to notice the rose bush at the same time he did but she turned her back on the window. _"Do you see Vader her love for you is what made the rose grow? Her life was full but you brought love to her. Something she never had considered before. She had even thought it an impossible thing in her life. She did not expect it and was not ready for it. So she chose to ignore it." _

"_I remember."_ Vader said dully. _"It probably would have been better for her if she had kept turning her back on it."_

Qui Gon said nothing he just motioned for Vader to watch. Padme could not ignore that plot of ground forever because that flower bloomed and produced many roses too many to ignore. She turned and acknowledged those flowers of love and suddenly the whole garden was filled to over flowing with flowers. It was spilling out on to the ground surrounding the trees and house until the place was overrun with the smell of roses. Vader suddenly realized how different their loves were. Oh he loved her and he loved her fiercely. He too had a rose bush (only one though) he had tended it carefully all through those 10 years of their separation. It struggled at times but it lived. Then seeing her had made his bush blossom into a wonderfully full bush. But he could barely touch the most beautiful thing in his life without being fiercely pricked by a thorn. It seemed that all of his fears and all of his love was wrapped up in that one bush. Soon the thorns started taking over the whole bush until now it was nothing but thorns. "_Does she still love me like this?"_ Vader asked.

"_Watch and you will understand what makes Padme like she is right now."_

These were not very encouraging word from Qui Gon. But what could Vader do but watch?

**AN3: **I hope to be writing the next chapter within the next 2 days. The dream sequence just became too big to write in one chapter.(Plus I got too tired to write more.)


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Vader watched as Padme lived the next 2 years of her life. She lived as 2 people in her heart. One was the senator, and the other was the wife of Anakin Skywalker. While she played the part of the Senator very well, she was forever and always in her garden tending the roses of love. She could be in the Great hall arguing her point with the other Senators, but everything she did she did so as to make it possible for her husband to come back home to her. When She received a letter from him she read it 2 or 3 times before putting it down. She savored each word and prayed that this war would soon be over and he could come home to her and stay forever.

Vader noticed that she left her garden not once until something started to eat at her concentration. He had known something was wrong the first time she cried when he left. She had never once complained when he left; nor did she cry once in front of him. She said she never wanted to waste their time with regrets. They chose this life and they should savor each moment they have together since it was precious little time to begin with. Anakin knew that as soon as he left she cried as he did when he was alone in his cabin. His last Mission in the Clone Wars was totally different though. She cried hysterically in his arms the last night they had together. She claimed that somehow things were going to change for them and she was afraid that they would be pulled apart. They both thought she might be talking about Anakin possibly dying. He held her and did his best to make it all better but she was distraught. Vader noticed that her tears were not good for her garden of flowers. Nothing changed so noticeably at first but as those 5 months past and she found out she was pregnant worry set into her mind. How could she hide a baby from the World? Somehow they would be found out, Anakin would suffer badly at the Jedi Hands. How could she curse them like this? She did not at first see this baby as a blessing. Color seemed to seep from the flowers. Never did her love for him waver but fear and worry can cause such distress in the heart of love that things can change.

Five months past, and Anakin came home safe and sound. Anankin's first response to the pregnancy eased Padme's fear and things seemed to be set right for her. She was suddenly not afraid anymore and when he told her his dream and started to fear she felt a new strength that she could face whatever came along. Her garden seems to get better, but it never fully recovered. Vader need not wonder why things never got back to normal because his fear was eating away at him he started treating her different. He started holding on to her with a tight fist and it was choking her. Only slightly at first and she did not even realize the change at first until the one time their minds connected. She saw into his heart and saw the barrenness that had become of his life. She suddenly felt the fear that he felt and it scared her. The mind meld was suddenly gone and she was left tortured but the memory. Then she saw the Jedi Temple on fire and her heart suddenly became dry. Vader had showed up at the home hours later and she was expecting a healing rain to fill her heart but no rain came instead he left her feeling more dry. Cracks were starting to appear in the ground. Padme looked around the garden in a frantic search for some water to throw on the ground but there was none to be found. She screamed for someone to help her but the only one who heard was C-3PO and there was nothing he could do.

Obi wan showed up at her apartment and petals started falling off the bushes. No matter how hard she screamed no one heard her. She looked at Obi wan as he was telling her these false things about Anankin and she threw Daggers at him but they never seemed to reach him. He was like a brick wall of a man determined to take away her love. She thought of Anakin and all the wonderful things he has done and of his tenderness toward her and love that had radiated off of him at one time. No her Anakin could not have done such things but then she thought of how things had changed in him and how fear took over and fear oozed out of every pore in his body until he had stunk of it. She started to waver but she pulled herself together. She would not give into Obi wan. He would never make her betray her love. She dismissed him with such force that many more petals fell off the bushes.

Padme went to the Senate Building because Palpatine had called an emergency meeting. When the Empire was born Rose bushes started dying. She could no longer stop the dying, but she knew who could and he would make things right again. She left in hopes of finding her loving, Caring, life-giving Anakin again, but she never found him. In his stead stood Vader, Vader threw Fire on the garden of her love. Everything was burned in the heat of Mustafar.

Vader stared at what he had done. He could not believe what devastation was left in the wake of his anger toward someone he realized he never quit loving. He burned her heart to ashes. He had taken away the wellspring of her life. He suddenly felt something he had never felt since that day. Remorse. He had blamed his actions on everyone and everything around him, but seeing this made him realize it was truly his own fault. He started weeping.

Qui Gon would not let him wallow in his tears though. He pointed to the garden again. Nothing seemed to happen at first but He saw that while she was unconscious she was searching for Anakin in her darkness. She must have found him in but the chains that held him were unbreakable. She kissed him and said, "One day you will rise up again and I will always believe in you." she walked away because there nothing else she could do.

She had the children and a seed that somehow had not burned up fell into the hard ground. Her love for her Children made it possible for the seed to live. She knew they were alive she did not know where they were but they were alive she had heard their cry. She would see them again someday just as she would see her Anakin again someday. The seed sat in the ground.

Then came the years of torture at the hands of Palaptine. All of her heart became nothing but barren wasteland Tatooine had more moisture than Padme's heart. The seed of love stubbornly stayed through the windstorms, through the lightening blasts and through the mind numbing days of bodily torture. Nothing eased the pain she felt. Nothing brought a sprinkle of relief and yet she lived through it. Every second was pain yet Padme stayed. Anakin could not handle his pain so he needed to become someone else. Not Padme she fervently stayed until pain turned to blackness and she thought she was dead.

Slowly a tiny trickle of water seemed to splash on her still body as she lies beside the tiny seed in her garden. 1, 2, 3 drops at a time, but it was water none the less. She awoke to find Vader standing dropping water on her. The water ran from her down to the seed and a tiny bush sprouted. No flowers showed because the bush needed a gush of water and all it got was a few drops at time. Each drop was eaten up by the bush and a scrawny thing started shot out a leaf. Padme tried to make the thing grow into a big bush but Vader kept throwing salt on her efforts.

Vader watched what was happening to his love but as he was watching what was happening to her he did not realize that something else was happening behind him. A scrawny bone thin image was coming out of the darkness in his heart. The bars and chains that had held him seemed to melt off. Hollow eyes took in the sight of his beloved bending over her bush as Vader doused all he efforts and anger at Vader and love for Padme made muscles grow and he slowly moved closer so as not to alarm Vader.

Neither Padme nor Vader ever noticed the man standing quietly in the background. Padme noticed nothing now though because after she lost her baby the bush died. Padme gave up caring, she gave up trying and she gave up wanting to live. Her dry heart could no longer take any more. She lies beside the shriveled up bush teetering between life and the endless blackness of death.

The skeletal man could not stand by and just watch as his beloved's soul left her body. He could not let her die when this was one time he could definitely save her. A light saber appeared in his hand and in one fell swoop he loped off Vader's head.

Vader never realized what hit him, but suddenly Anakin was a strong again. Killing Vader gave him all the strength to become himself again. He stumbled over to Padme and took her in his arms cradling her, tears fell unabated from his eyes, he cried out "Padme it's me Anakin and I love you." Life giving words. As his tears fell a shaking started to occur on the ground where his tears fell. From the ground burst forth a fountain of water shooting 20 feet into the air covering the ground with water. The shriveled bush drank the water greedily and Padme stirred in the arms of her love.

Qui Gon sank into the background. He would be back. He would be needed again but right now these 2 needed some privacy.

Anakin awoke from the dream crying, but to his amazement Padme was looking into his eyes.

* * *

**A/N: Right now I am jumping up and down for joy because Anakin is finally back. Yeah!!!!!! I hope you are also. Peace to all. And I love anyone who leaves me reviews.**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Please forgive the very looooong time with no updates. School is over for the summer and I am hoping to write lots more. I will summerize for people who forget what is going on.  
Anakin is not in a suit. He was burned and he lost his arms but his legs,face and lungs are still in tact. (I could not totally ruin such a perfect man) Padme did not die though everyone thought she did. She woke up in a motuary and as she tried to escape Palpatine found her. He took her and totured her and again she "died". Vader found her as she wa sbeing carried out and he took her to his home on VJUN. It is the only place in the universe (at least in this story) that has a force shield so Palpatine can't find her here. Padme becomes pregnant and losses the child. She goes into a deep depression that eventually helps to bring Anakin back. I hope you all enjoy the new chapter.**

Chapter 18

Anakin sat in the chair beside his bed watching Padme sleep. He had slept 3 nights at her side and sat 3 days watching over her. Though they hardly ever touched, he felt more relaxed and at peace than he had in years. Padme's body needed time to recuperate after the ordeal she had been through. The Dr had been here and aside from being drained of much of her strength Padme was fine. Anakin was determined to get her well as soon as possible because he knew The Emperor would not leave him alone too long.

Anakin could not think about the Emperor though because if he did such a wave of guilt and shame would flood him causing a paralysis of mind and body. Whenever his mind would travel to those thoughts a cool breeze would fill his mind bringing temporary soothing.

* * *

Anakin did not know this but Qui Gon was responsible for these force-soothing breezes. He did this not to make Anakin forget his deeds but he needed to have Anakin's mind fully functioning because there was things Anakin needed to learn. He needed an apprentice who was fully functioning and didn't need his hand held every step of the way. 

Qui Gon had other business to tend to today he needed to go into the heart of Evil undetected. True he was a spirit but through the force spirits could easily be detected and he did not need to be felt by anyone or anything this day. Palpatine was always on alert for force sensitive beings. Qui Gon needed to plant an idea into Palpatine's mind and when he needed to communicate with the living he could be sensed. He watched Palpatine go through his day so he could plant the thought at the perfect time. Finally it came toward the end of the day. Palpatine had a meeting with Grand Moff Tarkin about the new Space Station. Right in the middle of Tarkin droning on about who was promoted and who was demoted, Palpatine was in a state of barely paying attention. Quick as lightening Qui Gon planted the thought and left.

* * *

Tarkin was done with his report and Palpatine praised him for keeping on schedule. Tarkin was dismissed and Palpatine hit the com to his personal connection with Vader. It beeped and Palpatine waited. Anakin answered and Palpatine gave him some surprising news. Palpatine was giving Vader a month off for working so hard and pleasing his master. Vader thanked Palpatine and switched off the com. Anakin was puzzled what had caused the Emperor to do something so extraordinarily nice. Palpatine never rewarded where Vader was concerned. He always pointed out flaws criticized any amount of weakness and made him work very hard. After a short pondering though Anakin decided to not question the supreme one and just get back to Padme.

* * *

Padme was awake when he entered the room. She looked rested and more like her. Anakin sat beside her and she threw her arms around him. He reveled in the feel of her in his arms again. Passions stirred in him but they were quickly shot down by a small cry from Padme. She had yet to deal with the death of her baby and though she had only carried it for 6 months it was a big loss to her. She was never able to mourn the loss of her twins, which she knew were out there somewhere, and then she looses her next child. She needed to spill out her feeling to Anakin, and He was there holding her right now. 

Anakin held her as she cried so her heart would break. All he could do was cry along with her. Finally she blurted out, "They are gone. All our children are gone."

There was nothing to say to that. What could he say? He felt the pain and guilt stab him freshly. He knew it was his fault the twins were taken from her and any hope of some kind of redemption with the new child was dashed to pieces 6 months ago.

"I had such hopes each time. I only got a glimpse of Luke and Leia before there was nothingness. I dreamed of days with this one for I would not let this one be taken from me. But I failed." and she crumbled against him again.

"You did not fail my love. I failed you and that led to my failure with the children. I was so scared for you and I let my emotion rule my actions. I just could not let go of my fear. I tried once but it came back gripping so hard to my heart I could not breathe. I failed you though and I lost you anyway. I thought I was redeemed when I found you but I was not. Even now I am not redeemed, but I love you with my whole heart. I hope earn your love again."

Padme looked at him in amazement as he confessed his feelings to her. She heard for the first time in her life some of his true feeling of inadequacies. He had always tried to prove himself the Hero to her, but she knew what was always hiding inside. He just never said such things to her.

"Oh Anakin! Will you never learn? You have NEVER needed to earn my love it has always been there. Even when you were Vader I loved you. Why else would I stay with you? I knew you were there somewhere deep inside. Somehow I thought maybe this child would bring you back to me."

"You know in a way he did. I am here and it is because of the baby. You, my love, you never once upset me. You always have been my angel. I loved you the first time I saw you and never once was disappointed in you. Please stop feeling like a failure."

"I will if you do one thing for me."

"What?"

"Rest knowing that I love you."

Anakin throat closed with emotion as he pulled her into a crushing hug. Padme took that as a yes and each soon found healing in each other's body's as well as their hearts.

* * *

Qui Gon knew Anakin would be ready for his next trial.

A/N: Please review!!!!!!! Even if you hate it I would love to know opinions.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Qui Gon watched in pleasure as Anakin worked out. The normal training droids had long ago become too easy for Anakin and he had built his own training droids. They were much harder and actually caused him to break a sweat. But Qui Gon did not want Anakin to just learn to sweat any normal workout would do that. He wanted Anakin to tap into that power that was hidden deep inside. There was a reason Anakin had such a high midiclorian count and though Obi Wan had tried to bring it out he had no idea how to truly bring such power out in a person. Well truth be told Qui Gon was not all that sure either but he knew a few things that would help. One of them was to improve his ability to be in tune with the force without falling back on his anger to get there. So he entered the battle at the same time the droid was reaching its peek ability. Anakin was still in good form and though the light saber he used was a blur of light, seeming never to sit still even for on thousandth of a second, he never missed a beat.

Qui Gon stepped in Anakin's fighting ring throwing up a force block. It happened so fast and with such force Anakin went crashing across the floor with the training droid hot on his heals. "STOP" Anakin commanded just seconds before the droid pierced his arm. "What was that?!" he yelled at Qui Gon.

Qui Gon just laughed.

"You are worse than Obi wan." Anakin sulked as he stood and got ready to start again.

"Get used to it, boy" Qui Gon Laughed.

Anakin shook off his soreness and stood ready. "Start again, droid," he commanded.

The droid whirled to life. Anakin was wary this time and more alert to the force around him, but Qui Gon just watched. Anakin kept his senses high but he again became absorbed in the training. Qui Gon picked up a weight and sent it spinning across the room right at Anakin's legs. Anakin was barely able to miss being struck square in the knees. He jumped sailing up to the ceiling catching a rope. The move helped him escape the spinning weight and the droid. "STOP!" He commanded the droid again. "Are you insane, Qui? You could have seriously injured me!"

"Yes, and if I had been the Emperor and we were fighting I would do anything I could to win. You must be ready for anything when the time comes."

"I will be ready."

"Really? Ready for any complication?"

"Yes, my powers have not faded. I am ready for anything."

"Oh Anakin, you are still full of pride. Isn't that one of things that caused your downfall?"

Anakin was struck by what Qui Gon said. He had never analyzed why he had fallen to the dark side. He thought about all the times he had heard Qui Gon, Mace, Obi wan, and almost every other Jedi he was around talk about him as the Chosen One. The Chosen One, he had loathed that title but it also gave him a sense of self-importance in the Temple. No One would have even considered him had it not been for the prophecy. He got away with so much because no one wanted to kick him out of the Order. He had gone so far as to say they owed him that seat on the Council. He Was The Most Powerful Jedi. That Singular thought had led him down a path of Self-destruction and pain. He had lost both arms and suffered burns trying to prove he was better, and just now he could have lost again.

"Master Qui Gon, I am ready to learn, but I am not sure I can just make it go away."

"I am glad to hear that Anakin but letting go of self is never easy. One of the most important things you can learn in life is to live for others. Living always for yourself only brings misery to you. Jedi serve others and Jedi seek to improve themselves through knowledge and training. Do you remember those phrases from the Jedi code? " Qui Gon asked.

"Yes Master."

"Believe me I will not be shoving the code down your throat. They are great ways to live but sometimes they were used as a way to not think for ones self. I am hoping to use some of those things to help you become the man you were intended to be. But that is enough for today. You are worn out and ready for a little care. Have Padme rub down your muscles real good I want you ready for more tomorrow."

Anakin was relieved to be done for now. "Thank you, Master" He said as he turned and left the room.

Qui Gon sighed well one hurtle was crossed today how would he react to the next one he was to cross. Qui Gon had plans for him to give up his tight grip on Padme. He must let go of his fear of loosing her, for only by letting her go will he truly be ready to face the Emperor.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Padme sat up and screamed "NO!" Tears were streaming down her cheeks, and she could not focus on where she was for a minute. Then the soothing coolness of Anakin's arms encircled her and she clung to him trying to push the fear out of her heart. The agony and fear had gripped her so hard it was at long time before she could relax her grip on Anakin's neck. He soothed her and softly whispered words of love into her ear until she calmed a bit. Padme felt protected but not safe; not this time. Palpatine was looking for her and not just her. He was looking for Luke and Leia. She had never found out during her time in his presence if he had believed that they were dead. He constantly asked and he probed her mind lots of times to try to find any information about them. She always was left unconscious from those sessions. This dream was worse to her than all the things he had done to her during her captivity.

After tears slowed and she gulped for air to fully fill her lungs again, Anakin turned and commed for Jennifer to bring Padme some tea. Padme got up from the bed and went to the fresher. She splashed cold water on her face and it helped to dissipate the terror of the dream. She just stood bent over the sink for a little while. It was not long to her but it was long enough to make Anakin come in and check to make sure she was all right. She went to him again clinging to him silently begging him to keep her safe all the while knew he might not be there to help her this time.

Anakin picked her up and took her to the large sofa. He knew that she was not ready to go back to the bed though she needed get off her feet. Her fear and anguish wrapped around his heart constricting it just as it was doing to her. Jennifer brought the tea and as she gave the cup to Padme she looked into Padme's eyes. The fear was so readable in them that Jennifer had to give Padme a hug before leaving. She knew that Master Anakin would take good care of her and yet she wanted to be in there to help also. She really had come to love her mistress.

Two hours later as Padme stared into the fire that Anakin had built she was ready to talk. Padme looked into Anakin's eyes and said, "Palpatine found us." Anakin's eyes filled with unshed tears. He had feared this ever since she came back into his life. He was training to kill Emperor Palpatine but the one thing that could cripple him would be for Palpatine to capture Padme. He would do anything to save her. He had already proved that fact.

Padme went on though because she had not caught the look in his eye. She was still focused on the dream. "I was forced to watch as he tortured Luke and Leia. I felt all their pain until finally he killed them. I felt the lightning course through their bodies until it snuffed out the light in their eyes and their screaming voices were silenced. I tried with all my might to break free and stop him but it was impossible. Then I woke up."

Anakin let the tears fall. He could not stop them. He tried to get the words out that he was thinking but nothing would come. He would kill his master before he would allow Padme to be tortured this way. Then she said words that stopped his heart cold. "The most horrible part was you could not stop him. You came right at the end but you were blocked and all you could do was just stand there."

"Padme I vowed to protect you and I have hidden you from the Emperor. He does not know you are alive or he would already have you and this time he would make sure you were dead. I would never just stand by and watch that happen."

"The thing was when I pleaded for you to do something Palpatine started to laugh saying 'Anakin was always weak and too fearful to stop me. I know his worst fear and he can't make it go away, EVER. I have control of Anakin Skywalker.' He really did control you."

Anakin sat stunned by what she said. Did Palpatine really control him by his fear? _Fear leads to anger, anger to hate, hate leads to suffering. _Yoda's words screamed through his mind. Fear had certainly ruled him during the Clone Wars. In fact as he sat there and thought over his life, fear had filled him from a very young age. He remembered Gardilla the Hutt telling him to obey her every word or his mother would be taken from him. He had nothing but his mom and fear sank its talons into his heart then. Fear of loosing Padme still filled him and fear of Palpatine finding his children first filled him to this moment. He was constantly in contact with Kitster to find out if there was progress. Nothing had turned up yet. He knew also that if he could not feel them through the force neither could the Emperor. It was a relief to know that much.

As Anakin thought on this he knew one thing for sure; he needed to talk to Qui Gon.


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: **I just want you guys to know that I am strugling to get Anakins skills developed. I am not a very good battle writer and so getting this new that he will have to make sense is giving me trouble. I am working on it so never fear if it takes awhile for the chapter to come that is why. Yes this a transition chapter so this is why it is so short. ( just in case you wondered)

Chapter 21

Anakin thoughtfully walked into the workout room. Qui Gon was waiting for him but he knew that work was not on Anakin's mind.

"Talk to me." was all Qui Gon said.

"Master, Palpatine was able to get me over to the dark side because I could not control my fears. I have always known fear. Fear is what kept me alive on Tatooine. Yet Fear of my dreams led me back to my mother and anger filled me so at her torture that I killed a whole Village of Sand People. Fear of loosing Obi Wan made me fight so hard to rescue him all those times he was in trouble. Yet Fear of loosing Padme led me to join the dark side."

"Anakin one thing I always tried to teach Obi Wan was listen to the Living Force. He never could let go of the strict teaching of the Jedi. There is so much more to the force than they would acknowledge. I was constantly at odds with them for thinking outside the box. In your case, you learned by fear from a very early age. It was a way of life for you. It was why the counsel never wanted to train you. You could not be washed of that thinking. They knew it would always be in you and because of it they could not control you."

" I always knew that they were disappointed when I proved too hard to tame. Mace never once trusted me. Even my saber techniques would drive him crazy."

"I see things different though. You are not a freak and you will bring balance to the Force. Yoda was an excellent master in how to channel the Force. Mace was a powerful master in how to wield the Force and Obi wan balanced out these two teachings but not one of them sees the whole picture. They were so bound by their thoughts of how the force worked that they could not see beyond those walls. One thing you have felt is that there is more to the force than the rules placed on you by either the light side or the dark side."

"The light side forces us to kill our basic emotions while the dark side forces you to use only the anger, hate, and bitterness of our emotions. I did not live well under either teaching. I am never more alive than when I love and yet something is messed up with my love also. I loved my mother and I lost her. I clung to you after leaving Tatooine because you gave me stability in a scary time and yet I lost you no sooner than I had you. I felt like I was wondering in darkness most of my life happening to bump into the right way or the wrong way. There was no light until Padme came back into my life. I swear Qui Gon I could not loose that light again and I have to hold it. But I find that anything I hold slips from me and dies. What do I do?"

"Love is the key to all things Anakin. Without Love we wither. I have learned this not only here but when I was alive. I too loved another and I was ready to leave the Jedi Order for her and she for me but she too was killed before anything be changed. One thing I learned was no matter how much you love you must let go. Life is full of letting go. You are born to your parents who you fiercely love but you let go of them. You may marry but the person will leave you or you them through death. You have children but they leave also. Life is nothing but loving and letting go. You my friend must let go."

"I Can't!!!! How can I let go of the one thing that has kept me on course most all my life?"

"Anakin! You have been anywhere but on course try something new to and trust the force. Love is useless without trust."

Anakin had to think on this for a while. So he picked up his light saber and prepared for training. Training did not go well for Anakin though and finally Qui Gon had to stop the training in order for him not be one big bruise. As Anakin was walking out of the training room Qui Gon called after him. "Love and Trust, that is all you need."


End file.
